Please give me strength....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Please give me strength....
6
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:18pm
My H just called me at work and says he wants to talk tonight. I've already told him somehow over the past 5 years I have fallen out of love with him. I truely believed that he didn't love me either. We had no relationship, no sex, no communication. We don't even fight because we just don't involve ourselves in eachother's lives. We don't have the same friends, we don't mingle money. I don't even know where he banks at. Anyways after I told him I was leaving he stated this whole "I LOVE YOU"...... Now I'm feeling guilty about leaving. It was so much easier when he just didn't talk to me at all. I don't know if I have it in my heart to hurt him. I don't thnk I love him but I hate the thought of leaving a basically good man. He doesn't beat me, he doesn't abuse drugs. I just don't feel that I love him. I know it's a horrible thing to say but deep down inside I've always felt this huge guilt because I think if anything ever happened to H that I wouldn't be this grieving widow. I know that sounds SO bad but I am just not in love anymore. He's a good person but he's not loving. Maybe I think he should adore me and fall at my feet. maybe I think he should look at me like he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:26pm
Pal, I know how you are feeling. I only wish I could be at the point where you are. Where he knows that you feel differently, and I can understand not wanting to hurt him. But if you are not happy in the marriage and have an opportunity to be happy then I say take the plunge. You don't share anything with him anymore so what is the point in dragging it out any longer? Be strong and don't let yourself be sucked in emotionally. dream/angel
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:29pm
secret...

if you dont love him then let him go...he deserves to be with someone that makes him happy. i was in a situation similar to that - i did not love my ex i was with him for my son he was raising not even his son. i tried he was a great guy - just not loving. i had a problem with that. i tried to communicate that several times various ways he tried and then went back to being his cold self. i could not handle it. i had to leave it was not fair for me and not fair for him. he is much older then me maybe i dont know that could be it. i did not expect him to be all over me but some affection would have been nice. anyhow it never happened after 6 years i finally got out of the relationship. it was the best decision i could have made...it was not easy but i did it.

i wish you the best. if you dont love him dont be with him is my suggestion give him the opportunity to find someone who will accept him the way he is. you want more and deserve more dont settle.

i wish you the best - sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:29pm
Honey, do you want him to adore you and fall at your feet or do you want him be more involved in your marriage as in sex, companionship, money and whatever else marriage involves? Once you figure that out you can talk to him about it tonight. Hope that helps some.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:33pm
Sandy, How much older was your ex? My H is 10 years older than me. We have been married 6 years. In fact last Saturday was our anniversary and he forgot AGAIN. I waited until late that night and reminded him. He said he forgot because he has been so busy. I didn't care. Lat year it hurt but this year it doesn't matter! Thanks. By the way we're you in an A when you ended the marraige?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:42pm
there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. It's OK, not to be in love anymore. I wonder if I will ever remarry. I want my future husband to adore me. I want to be the sparkle in his eye. I want to be his friend, his lover. I want this super fantastic relationship, that could be a made for TV love story. I'm a hopeless romantic. The idea of romance and passion appeal to me.

So, hang on to your wants. Give yourself permission not to be in love, it's OK. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

Good luck

Secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:44pm
Hey secret...he was 15yrs older then me - YEP BIG difference. Its a long story basically to cut it short when I met him I had just gotten divorced from my babys father. Anyhow I was in an A but I was not ready to settle with MM becuase he had nothing to offer me and my son as far as a job or anything his W did everything and supported him. He left her for me and I could not commit to him even though I loved him I had to see after my son. Anyhow we continued seeing each other then I met my ex (the one I was with 6yrs anyhow never really got married I guess in texas its common law marriage) anyhow I was seeing MM he was the one that was keeping me happy and had something to look forward but things ended in a VERY bad way with MM and there I was left alone with ex...not good. He was cold not loving at all. Anyhow when I finally saw myself alone (per say) I decided I was too young to live like this unhappy I had to make myself happy. I left him a year ago in October as a matter of fact..but it was since March I had asked him to leave it was not easy he did not want to go - he finally did. Anyhow I am with a new MM (figured you think I would have learned!!) anyways I did not think it was going to get this far but I did not meet MM till this March 2003. BUT basically I was alone for a good 6months just hanging out with friends and things doing what made me happy. And to be honest with you people who knew me when I was with my ex and they see me now cant explain the difference they have seen in me. Being alone has made me a new woman...STRONG and INDEPENDENT...and most important HAPPY WITH ME.