Please give me your opinions!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Please give me your opinions!
23
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:23pm
I'm so glad that I found this board! I am having a problem with the mm that I am seeing, so I would LOVE some advise.

Background...we've been together for one year. We are hopelessly in love. We are talking about being together. He says all the right things, I'm his true love..can't live without me...etc.

He has two kids and I am single. We don't get much time together, maybe once a week for a few hours, but we talk on the phone several times a day. I have been pretty happy up until last night.

Last night, after our 'date' we were driving home and his wife happened to drive past us. She immediately called his phone and asked him where he was headed. He lied and said he was going to his parent's home because it was in that direction. She decided she would turn around and join him at his parent's house for a visit! Ok...he panicked!! We were on a road where he couldn't turn off to take me to my car so he quickly pulled over and told me to get in the TRUNK!! I'm not kidding! I said 'no way' and he said 'fine, just start running threw the woods and I will try to pick you up later!' Excuse me!? I was NOT going to run threw the woods because there are raccoons and creatures there and I also had on my nice new heels. Besides, what if he couldn't come back and get me right away? He was SO nervous! He begged me to get in the trunk and he kept looking towards where his wife would be coming from. It was kinda dark out and she had to go quite aways to make a turn, but still he was freaking! SO...after much whining on my part, I GOT IN THE TRUNK!! I asked him to at least leave the lid up a little, but he said it would be TOO RISKY!

He drove off, with me, yes in the trunk. Did I mention that I'm a little claustrophopic?? I didn't have much room between me, the baby stroller and the gas can. It was horrible. He started driving really fast so he could find a place to 'leave me' without HER seeing. He ended up dumping me at a Pizza Hut after at least 10 minutes in the trunk. He told me to 'run' from the car before wifey showed up and to try to find a ride home.

Ok, I talked to him this morning and told him it was beyond humiliating. I asked him if he would have put wifey in the trunk and he said 'if I had to, to save her, probably yes'. What kind of answer is that? I feel SO used right now. Did he do the right thing for the circumstances? He thinks so. I have nobody else to ask, so please help.

X

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:36pm
Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that story! You poor thing. I really don't know much of what to say, that's pretty horrible to have to do. It sounds liked he freaked out quite bit. I don't know what I would have done... I probably would have gotten into the trunk too. And right now I would probably be so so mad at him for making me do that. But me personality would get over it pretty quickly cause I love my MM and no matter how mad at him I am, I'm not ready to lose him.

You said that you guys are thinking about being together, that has to show you that he probably isn't anything close to ready to leave his wife. What else did you talk about this morning? Does he feel horrible?? Where do you guys stand right now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:38pm
X,

It sounds as if your relationship is as F**Ked up as mine is with my MM. I'm sorry but I think that I would have drawn the line at getting in the trunk and him dropping you off somewhere and telling you to find a ride home. I don't care what his excuse is/was. I know that you were almost caught, but still....he should have had the nerve to handle this situation a little better than this! He could have lied and said that you were having car trouble and was taking you to a gas station, telephone, anything but putting you in the trunk.

You know I hate to say it because it will be the pot calling the kettle black, but I think that you need to get away from this guy. (I say that because my MM is playing the worst kind of head games with me right now. As a matter of fact, he just left my office about 30 minutes ago.) I don't think that I could look at him the same way as before. This is someone that you love that did this to you. Sit back and think this situation through and I think that you can come to your own realistic opinion about this.

H&H

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:40pm
Oh, honey are you sure that he thinks of you as his soul mate? Putting you in the trunk wasn't a good idea because you can breath exhaust fumes. He must love his wife enough to make you do something you didn't want to do. Then, putting you in trunk wasn't enough, he wants you to run in the woods. Doesn't this tell you something? Have more respect for yourself, he doesn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:43pm
X,

I am sorry to hear about your evening...sounds like hell to me!

Personally I would have just said let me out then I would have flagged his wife down and ask for a ride!!!!! Also if he could drive 10 minutes to the Pizza Hut with you in the truck and not see his wife...then why could you have not sat in the car and not in the trunk?

OK I am sorry.....this is JMO....Sounds like to me that he is VERY afraid of being caught...then why is he doing this?

Welcome to the board...I am sorry for my sassiness....just blows me away that a guy would do that! Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:48pm
Thank you Michelle. Yea, it WAS horrible! I was so excited to get to see him and then the evening ended up so horribly wrong!

He apologized to me this morning, but I don't think he understands that it was SOOO degrading for me! You must be a better person than me, because if you could climb in that trunk and not be upset...wow! We didn't get to talk about many things because I was still ranting and raving about the experience. Maybe it's just me, but I really think it wasn't right!

I guess we are going to be ok. I just need to let him know that I have dignity, and I won't be treated like that again. I could have just 'hidden' down in the back seat until he dropped me off. Oh well...I will try to move on.

X

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:55pm
Ladies, I appreciate all of your opinions. I DO feel awful about what he did. I need respect, I give respect! I think he just panicked because we've never gotten this close to getting caught. I think I will stop yelling at him and 'discuss' this in a calm, friendly manner. I don't know if he is playing headgames with me or not. I wish that his wife would have just caught us, so I would know exactly where I DO stand!!

Thanks

X

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 1:59pm
Exactly what I was thinking...why couldn't I have sat inside the car?! He just panicked and thought she would catch up to him and he would not be able to keep a straight face. He really was sweating this one!

I don't mind your sassiness, I also can get pretty 'sassy' myself!!

Thanks!

X

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 2:11pm
Oh don't get me wrong I would be extremly upset. I would probably cry and yell, and be sad.... the sad part would be the worst. BUT i would move on... knowing MM knew how much that hurt. I would get over it... but I would dwell for a while... I would probably talk and talk and talk with him about the whole situation and I'd hope then I would know how sorry he is and try to come up with some other things we could have done in that situation.

Sorry that paragraph was pretty choppy! Keep us updated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 2:17pm
Honey, sounds to me as if he is not only terrified of being caught, but that he is not ready to "really" be with you yet. I am sorry you had to endure such a nightmare. I feel that his behavior is completely unacceptable, even if he was in a panic. I would be in a panic myself, but would never throw my MM in the trunk, nor ask him to run thru the woods. If I were you, I would seriously rethink the terms of your relationship, and how much it means to the two of you. Being treated as such is absolutely terrible! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Hugs,

Adara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Fri, 07-11-2003 - 3:43pm
Heck NO he didnt do the right thing!!! He disrepected you too much for words. Walk away from him and never look back. If he loved you like he says that he does, then he wouldnt have stuffed you in the trunk, and left you at a Pizza Hut. Walk away, please sweetie. Dating a MM is hard but this is riduclous!

green

Pages