Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Please help me
1
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 1:14am
Help me. I found this board last week - thank God. My MM and I have known eachother for 10 years. I met him the same day that I met my XH, they were best friends. What happened is that he hooked up with my friend and we did not meet until very much later in the night. He dated my friend for about six months but by then I was engaged to XH. There was always an attraction between us but we kept it appropriate because of the relationship he had with my XH. I always thought of him as my soul mate friend because we always had the best time together. We come from similar backgrounds even though we grew up a world apart from one another. We have been very close to eachother and have been in constant contact over the years. He was the best man at my wedding in fact. I am now divorced with children. but he was married about a year before I was divorced. Needless to say, our timing sucks. About 6 months ago our "friendship" took a turn to a more intimate nature and one day he told me that he loved me - that he has been in love with me for a very long time. If you refer to "New at this" posting you can catch the whole history and I don't want to repeat myself.

Here of late, he has not been as attentive as he has been. I know he loves me, you should see the way he looks at me. I can't describe the love and tenderness that is expressed in his eyes. If he did not have kids, he would have divorced his W by now and we would be together, but his children are very young. He feels guilty about "breaking up" their home. I can understand this as I am a mother and I went through the same feelings just before I filed for divorce.

Tbere have been some very difficult times for me here of late (professionally and with the kids, and ex) that have taken their toll on me. Well it just seems like the time that I need him the most, he is unavailable. He has not returned phone calls, says that he will call me "right back" and doesn't, doesn't call me on the weekends, etc.

I hate this. I hate feeling this way. I am usually a very reserved, self sufficient, strong person. In fact, I rarely cry, but these last few months, it seems as though that is all I do is cry. My head and heart are in such conflict.

Although I have had the opportunity to go out on "dates", I have refrained because I feel as though I would be cheating on MM. There is one man (MG) that is willing to fly me to visit him if I just give him the day and time, but I can't bring myself to have sex with someone other than MM. MG has no expectations other than a good time, I know this, there are not strings attached then there are other men locally that have asked me out and I have declined because my heart belongs to MM.

My MM and I have gone from talking hours every day to nine minutes every couple of days. He still tells me he loves me and has talked about our future together as reacently as today (during our five minute conversation).

What the hell is going on????? Should I be patient or cut my losses and move on??? I truly love him with my heart and soul, but how much more can I take? Of those of you who have been involved for years - how do you do it???

Please, please help me get through this!!!!

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: saatty
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 9:25am
I don't know if i can help. And if i knew why a man would talk your ear off one day and then hardly speak two words the next, i'd be a millionaire, so all i can say is talk to him and listen to your heart. What do you feel, kids aside, dh aside, you as a woman, who do you want to be with, who are you envisioning your life with, start there and move on if you can..