Please Help me ASP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Please Help me ASP
9
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:38am
Hi, just found this message board today and had to wait for everyone to go to bed to post my message. Well let me tell u about myself. I'm 36, married for 16 yrs (to long) and have 2 children a 13yr & 11 yr. Well this is my story. I am a caregiver and starting nursing school in a few months. I sit with a 86 yr old woman who I have known all my life she is bedridden. A few weeks ago her grandson Terry came up and stayed all day. We are the same age and went to school together, so we have been friends forever. We got to talking one day about different stuff and then we started talking about sex. He got really turned on and I did too. But nothing happened, eventhough I wanted it too. When I went home that afternoon I was really horny me and husband had sex but all I thought about was Terry and what it would be like to give him a blow job. On Feb.3rd he came back and we got to talkin again, so this time I ask him if he thought about what we had talked about that day. He said he had and he ask me if I had thought about it, I told him thats all I thought about. He said he couldn't belive it. Well anyway I ask him what he wanted, he ask me what I wanted and I said HIM. I couldn't believe I made the first move. He was really surprised. We had sex 2 times that day. Now I can't get him out of my mind, I feel like I'm loosing my mind. He's all I think about. My husband knows something is wrong, I told him I'm not happy and I'm not, I haven't been happy for a long time. I have had 2 affairs since we've been married. Everybody thinks I have the perfect family. My husband is a good man and alot of women would love to have him. But I'm not happy. If Terry called right now and ask me to leave with him, I would, I would leave everything and everybody. I'm really stupid. Please someone help me. I called Terry today and ask him if could spend the day with me Sat. (I told my husband I was going shopping with a friend, he has to work 12 hrs. and kids are going to spend the night with family) he told me he would IF he didn't have to work. I have a feeling he is lieing to me. I want to go to a motel and stay all day with him. I also won't to know how he really feels about me. We haven't been together since that one day. Am I just kidding myself, thinking he has feelings for me?? The day we had sex, do you think he didn't like it, he told me he thought I was miss perfect and such a good person, he said he couldn't believe I knew what a 69 was and that I could give such a good blow job. I thought he liked it at the time. He even ate me. If he didn't like it would we have done it 2 times that day. If I really turned him off, would he have been able to get off 2 times or even get a hard on. Someone please help me, I have no one to talk too. All my friends thinks I'm miss perfect. But as you can see, I'M NOT!! All my friends are christians and they would be so hurt to know what I have done. Oh, by the way, I have lost 35 pds since Oct. do you think that has something to do with the way I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I?? Please I need someone to help me not bash me because I've done that already. Bad n tenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 2:48am
Welcome to the board, as you may have found the right place...

I can not give you advice, as I was not involved for the sex to begin with, well not totally. Happened a little different for us. BUT there are certainly some who can help around here. BUT remember, you were attracted to sexy feelings, and not emotional at first, and maybe he was too...

BUT I do suggest that you edit a little of your personal information, because not only ladies and gents with affairs come here, the whole world can.

CONGRATULATIONS on the weight loss, and it certainly has a lot to do with the sex goddess you are rediscovering... Keep on it..

Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 8:21am
I have to agree with Mitzy, you were a bit too graphic for here! I find discussing extremely personal stuff like that distasteful, but anyway, I just think you were both very attracted to each other, and it could be a passing fancy more so for him, than you. I think you are just saying now that you would leave your family for him, I don't think you would if you thought long and hard about it. If you did have the opportunity, you could be very sorry somewhere down the road, so be very cautious!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 8:35am
Congratulations on your awesome weight loss!! I lost about 25 pounds last year and I did rediscover the sex goddess in me! I have been married nearly eight years and I have two children, but if my MM asked me to leave my husband I would in a heartbeat. My H is not the best in character...very bad temper...it's affecting everything in our M...including the way the children feel about him. My MM is gentle, kind, and understanding with no children of his own (he's five years older than me) and loves my kids.

I don't think you are crazy for the feelings you are having with your new man. You should never beat yourself up for the feelings you have. Enjoy everything about him, but you do need to ask questions. If you are only in it for the sex, then enjoy it. If you aren't just in it for the sex, then you need to see if he is and if you are prepared to hear him say yes. At any rate, we are all here for you if you ever need words of encouragement and support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 9:16am
Careful, I was talking more about her details of the names and ages of people.. not her graphics of her sexual conducts. I was afraid that if a family, friend, or whoever in her surroundings, would read this, then she would be found out. There are of course boards where sexuality conduct is talked about on ivillage... And here we have a tendency to talk about it too. Sometimes, those sex goddesses need to come out...

Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:51am
Welcome to the board! I think you need to seperate a good day of sex from falling in love. If you marriage is not good and can't be fixed, then take care of that issue seperately from starting a whole new relationship. Enjoy the sex for what it was. It has a bunch to do with your weight loss -- take it from someone who's been there. You are feeling good about yourself and it helps to have it validated by someone besides those that know you most intimately. Secondly, if this is a problem with your Christianity, you need to examine that very closely. How are you going to feel long term? You've said you are bad, but I don't agree. Search your heart and find out if this is really the right path for you. In the meantime, we're here for you. And let me add my caution to the others... careful of the details (names, dates, situations) you share. It could come back to haunt you. Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:26pm
Noregretsyet, stop and think about what you said. "if my MM asked me to leave my husband I would in a heartbeat." Leaving a relationship you don't want is something that you need to do for YOU, not for your MM. Take good care of yourself first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:37pm
I appreciate your concern. The H and I have been talking divorce BEFORE I met my MM. There are a lot of circumstances as to why I want a divorce that I've not shared as of yet with the boards. What I should have said was that if my MM suggested to me to leave....perhaps that would be the push I needed. Even if the relationship between myself and my MM didn't work. He is my best friend first and foremost and that was before we even began any type of A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:56pm
That's good to hear!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:58pm
Boy, it sounds like there are some huge problems with your marriage. I was married for almost 20 years. We put on a great show. Always happy, did ton's of stuff with the kids. I was working a more than full time job (50 hours plus), PTO chair, Homeowners Association President, Girl Scout Cookie Mom, ton's of fundraisers, etc. etc. Just enough so that I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that I was not in love with my husband. Oh I liked him, but we never had that spark, never. When I married him I thought that here is this great guy, he's got a good heart and he loves me. I knew there was something missing, but I thought the thing that was missing was that he wasn't breaking my heart. I knew passion doesn't always last, so this must be what it would be if we had passion at the start and it fizzled out. Unfortunately, I was only kidding myself. So last year, I finally said the marriage is over. He still isn't over it. I pulled the plug as quickly as I could. The kids were thrown, but because I didn't draw the whole ordeal out, I think everyone was able to come to terms with it and move on.

Anyway's, my point is, take care of the marriage, either work on fixing it, or decide that it's not going to work. If you choose to continue the affair, remember that the reason you are feeling as "high" as you are, is that this feeling you are having with this other man, is something you have been missing for years. It feels good to have passion for something. But keep that in perspective. This affair is compensating for the lack of passion you have in your marriage. But you must take care of the marriage. I am sure you wouldn't really give up everything and everybody. You have a responsiblity to your family. Take care of them before you lose your head in these passionate fantasies. Then once they are taken care of, enjoy getting caught up in all these passionate fantasies! Good Luck!

Sheri