Please help me. I hurt:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2013
Please help me. I hurt:(
Thu, 11-14-2013 - 2:36pm

Please give me some advice, because my heart hurts so badly right now.  I have been married for 19 years, together with my DH for 23 years total.  We have 2 great kids, ages 14 and 17.  This summer, I started an affair with my neighbor-a close family friend.  We had been interested in each other for years, but finally acted on those feelings.  We talked and spent much time together and it was wonderful.


About a little over a month back, I asked my DH to move out.  We told the kids the news and it was very hard.  Heart-wrenching actually.  He, my AP, came clean to his live-in girlfriend of 12 years and two weeks after that, he moved out to his own place.  They have two kids together also. 


AP and I have been trhu hell together since.  Between my DH and his GF, and just the rumor mill, the kids, all of it.  We have had some very hard times.  But I love him.  And I felt like we were finally, although slowly, moving forward.  I went to counseling, as did he,to sort thru the issues of our relationships, and we told each other everything.  We both agreed we needed to, to be able to make this work.


This past Tuesday, he sent me a text (AP), and told me he couldn’t do this anymore, that he was done and wanted to work things out with her.  I just about lost my mind.  I lost it.  The next morning he called me.  I went to see him and he cried.  He just cried and cried and told me how very sorry he was that he hurt me. That his little boy, age 9, had just broken down the night before and he felt like he had to let me go for his kids sake, because it killed him to see his kid hurt so bad.  I DO undertstand that.  I don’t like it, but I understand.


So I felt like we were OK.  Then today we talked on the phone, and he tells me he needs time.  Away from me.  He has promised me he will come back.  That he needs to focus on his kids for a while and get that straight.  That the 9 year old cries all the time, and the 16 year old wont talk to him.  And what can I do?  Be a B**ch and NOT let him focus on two innocent kids?  But I asked him on the phone – TOLD him, if he cant do this to tell me RIGHT NOW, because I cant wait around a week or two weeks and go thru this pain all again.  It would kill me.  He told me that he wants me.  That he WILL be back.  That he wants to get things straight with them so he can give me 100% of his attention.


But I don’t know what to believe????


And I hurt L


Then there is the issue of my DH.  We almost divorced 4 years ago.  To say we have had problems is an understatement.  But in the past month and a half, he has shown me SO much, and made so many changes.  And when the AP broke me on Tuesday, it was my DH that was there for me.  That held me and let me cry over another man, and made sure I was OK.  My DH says he will wait for me, for as long as it takes.  He has told me how sorry he is, for all of the past.  I know he loves me.


I know the easy thing to do would be to go back to him.  Easy for him and for my dear kids too.  But I am in love with the AP.  REALLY in love.  Please help me.  I don’t know what to do or think anymore.