Please help me screw my head on straight
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| Sun, 04-25-2004 - 12:25am |
Anyway, I'm having all kinds of conflicting and euphorious feelings about this other man. Could be all in my head. Could be just him being friendly. Truthfully, I don't think I could tell what was going on because I have been out of the game, so to speak, for a very long time.
But the deal is I feel a strong connection with this person. It's very intense, at least for me. We've had conversations that are more intimate, on an intellectual level, than I've ever had with my H. There's not been any sexual innuendo. Maybe a bit of very tame flirting, but mostly just great conversation, e-mails back and forth. (If you knew my H you would understand why this is so attractive.) I see him at least once a week at his job, but won't have occasion to do so during the summer.
Anyway, the thought of going through the entire summer without seeing him makes me very sad. I don't know if I am just looking for a friend. Or maybe I have a crush. At any rate, I am trying to decide if I should say something mundane like "keep in touch over the summer" or if I should just forget it and deal. This is all complicated because my marriage is a mess right now and I don't think it will get better.
Not sure if I gave enough info for anyone to come to any conclusion, but any help/advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

M H isn't dumb--he has a lot of common sense and is very handy--can take things apart and fix things. But he's not a college grad, I am and probably will be going to grad school eventually. Our conversations NEVER run deep, and when I do, I just want to roll my eyes when I walk away from H. MM, on the other hand, is very intelligent and we can banter back and forth for hours.
I think about growing old with my H, and I just wonder what we're going to talk about. We've been married less than 2 yrs, and we've already seemed to run out of conversation.
However, neither MM nor I have kids. You are in a different situation. If your marriage is in a mess, remember that this will only make your marriage worse. If you are ready for that, then go for it. You just have to be realistic about the consequences of your actions. But if MM hasn't pushed anything, let him do the pushing. Wait--is HE married?
Have you talked to him about your marriage? That's how MM and I got the direct clues that we could go further. We both knew the attraction, but that conversation led us down the path that we're still on!
Realize that if you go for an affair it will make your life much more complicated and could end your marriage and damage your kids. If you know that the marriage is over and think you can deal with the consequences then go for it. Everyone is entitled to some pleasure in life
I just wish there was an easy way to find out if he feels the same connection, either in a friendship way or more. I think I would be OK with it if he didn't, but I am afraid I will really regret it if I don't get that question answered. I would hate to miss out on, at the very least, a great friendship just because I am socially inept. :)
Anybody have any other innocuous "test the waters" kind of questions/methods/conversations that both parties can answer the question without actually "saying it." If I weren't married a simple "Let's have coffee" or something would suffice. But that's probably not appropriate given that I am. I should note that I'm worried about showing my hand too much here for fear of making him feel uncomfortable. (Just in case I am simply in the midst of a schoolgirl crush, so to speak.)
I'm going nuts here guys. I've got about three weeks to figure this out before the school year ends.
Welcome to the club and take a seat.