Please help me sort this out!
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| Sun, 09-21-2008 - 7:15pm |
I am not really having an affair, but still I felt that my story belongs to this board to some extent. I am separated from my husband but still living under the same roof. We have had no physical intimacy in years and a plan is for him to move out in about a year. He still has hope that through some miracle our marriage might work out. I do not...
Anyways,I just met this guy recently and we really had a connection.. We have been texting a lot during the day etc. then we had our first date (about a week after we first started talking). We had a nice date, although I was not that into him.. I did not know him that well, and I enjoyed the date but I just did not have an instant crush on him.. So the date went nice and even though I did not plan it, we ended up having sex.(I have not had sex in a very long time and have been out of the dating scene for a while, and I could not resist it.. and the chemistry was really good between us..). He really wanted me to stay with him afterward, but I did not want to, since I needed my space, I felt too overwhelmed and wanted to sleep in my own bed.
The next day he did not text me or called at all.. I was kind of surprised because he really seemed to be enthusiastic about us, and was talking about things we should do in the future..(date plans etc) Two days later I was in the neighborhood and texted him to see if he wanted to meet up. He replied immediately, we met, and we spent a wonderful afternoon and evening together (yes, we had sex too, but we also talked a lot and connected really good). Again, he wanted me to stay with him really bad, but I wanted to come home and sleep in my own bed. I actually felt like he is being a bit pushy (clingy?) and that scared me a bit, and I needed some air. Even though at this point I was much more interested in him than initially.
Again, no text messages the next day. He asked me when he could see me again, we made plans for next week etc. I left, and again no text messages the next day. I had guests over in the evening, and after they left (we had a bit to drink) I wanted to go out and do something so I called him to ask if he wanted to do something. He said sure, so I went over to his place. He seemed kind of distant though the entire time. It was kind of awkward - I mean why did he want me to go over if he was not that into me anymore? I would not say he was cold but he was just not as all over me as initially.. I left in the morning and he did not even asked when we should meet next... I know we have already been together 3 times in a row even though we just met, and that is a bit too much too soon but I just cant figure him out...
Is he just not into me anymore? Was he just tired? Why did he stopped texting after we had sex the first time? After we met the second time he told me he was afraid of seeming too clingy - is he just playing games? Do you think we ruined the possibility of having a normal relationship by having sex too soon? Do you think I should just forget about him? Or just give him room? He knows about my living arrangement and I think he is worried that I am just fooling with him... What should I do?? Should I call him, or wait for him to call me..I am afraid that
1, If I dont call him, his confusion will just breed further and I will alienate him
2, If I call him, he will feel that I am clingy and too easy-to-get and I scare him away...
Thank you for any input in advance

calpurnia,
Who knows what ever goes on in the deep recesses of the male mind? However, if I had to take a guess, I would say that you have come on too strong. Men like a challenge, a chase. You have initiated contact after each time you were with him. You have not given him more than a day or so to call you...you are coming off as a little too easy...that is just my opinion here and it may sound harsh but I really think it is true. think about it, you call him, go to him, have sex with him. Great deal for him!!
If you want to see if he is into you don't call/text/email...nothing. Let him come to you and then let him take you out and do not sleep with him. And especially, don't drink and then call him!!
Take care
I have to agree with 26. Why would he call you or text you when he clearly doesn't have to? You need to take Playing Hard To Get 101 and then some. The impression he probably has at this point is that, when you get bored or horny, you will call him. Each one leads to sex for him. No strings, because you leave right after. No commitment. Awesome. Most men's dream.
Figure out what you want from this relationship and then approach it that way. As our good friend Shadowz would always say, people treat you the way you teach them to. If you want different from this guy, you have to start acting that way.
I, too, am sorry to sound harsh. But sometimes it just comes out that way.
I wish you luck.
First off, STOP over analyzing the situation and this guy.