Please I need anyones viewpoint
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Please I need anyones viewpoint
| Mon, 12-29-2003 - 9:21am |
If you are a man, woman, single, married, I would like your viewpoint on my situation. I am married with kids, SM is single and 12 years younger. I don't see a future with him and have no plans to leave my marriage. He pursued me from the beginning but every time we had sex (twice) he pulled away. He has not initiated any contact since he left his job in May (where I met him and would see him). I have known for a while that this is not good for me but I am having a hard time giving it up. I want to be with him again. This being said, I called him and we talked for the first time about it all. Basically he told me this...I have liked you since I met you but you are married. Every time we have sex I get more attached to you. It can't just be sex with you, I am getting attached and I will get hurt. I don't think I can ever totally relax with you because of the concept of your H finding us. This A is not good for anyone, no good will come of it. I have the respect of my family to lose and family is every thing to me. You have more to lose than me. I think you want your marriage and you want to "date" me. I will not date you and I will not pursue you. I will respond if you contact me. My new job is very important to me and I need to give it my full attention. If I get back together with my girlfriend I can not see you anymore...I said maybe we should forget the whole thing because I don't want to put any demands on you. He said, you aren't putting any demands on me, let's get together after I get back in town after the holidays and talk. I would like to be with him again, but without the pursuit thing would it be any fun any more? I wanted this A to be fun, an escape from my stressful life. I don't want to talk this to death with him. Maybe I haven't looked at it from his point of view enough. I have been thinking, he's not so into me anymore, maybe I've been seeing it all wrong. I am VERY OPEN to anything any of you have to say. Should I call him next week to get together and talk? What should I say? What would any of you do if you were me? Thanks for your time reading this and posting, C

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I hate to say it but it seems like a good time to move on or your just going to get hurt, you seem like about number four on his list of priorities and that is no place you want to be.
Sorry if I sound negative
Free
sure, go have coffee with SG and talk to him, but about what?? he'll still live out of town, you still won't have contact with him, and he has definitely moved on from you and the A. you're doing ALL the pursuing and he's just sitting back responding whenever you get in contact. that's no fun, is it!
if you want excitement and fun and relief from your stressful life, find someone else closer to home/work that you can play with. this SG is not the one. let him go!
gurl
honey, find another guy who IS interested and will at least reciprocate your interest!
take control of your situation -- right now, SG is in the driver's seat!
gurl
and thanks for remembering about my cold -- yes, it's much better, almost gone, but i'm trying not to catch all the crap around me, sneezing, coughing, fevers everywhere. i want to wear a mask all the time!! and i don't have a germ phobia either!
take care of yourself,
gurl
Your comment -->"I wanted this A to be fun, an escape from my stressful life. I don't want to talk this to death with him." ---> really spoke volumes to me. So, I DO believe that you, my dear, suffer from someone falling in love with you...ahhhh, such a dilemma to have! hee hee! In all, I think that if he can't have this A on the same terms as you, then you need to let him go. Sounds like he is truly quite fond of you.
Hang in there!
Blushing
I am the one who is single in an affair with a MM.
I want to see him ALL the time. But all the time is far from possible.
I also wish many, many times I could get myself to end it.
It is so very hard, the waiting, the evenings alone, closing off potential "suitors" because I have eyes only for someone who is not mine to completely have.
I know I deserve more, I know it can never be him.
But still I sit, wait, long for him.
In between the times we are together, there are stretches of longing.
Wanting to be able to share. Pick up the phone and tell him some little insignificant detail of my day.
Wanting to be able to have him help me shop for a new car, pick out new furniture, do something as mundane as fixing dinner together, sleeping and waking together.
I wonder if your MM has the same feelings. Knowing that this has no possibility of a future for him, no possibility that it can ever fill the void in his life that is there, and no possibility that all he needs and longs for will be ever be completely fulfilled.
Just a thought from the single side.
Nitro
Perhaps I can give a view from his perspective. When I was single I was involved with a married woman. She was 14 years (or something like that) older than I. There were several reasons why I ended it, mainly because she was falling for me and the guilt of what it may do to her family was really wearing at me. At the time my options were open to just about anything so for those reasons the relationship wasn't that important to me. Why get into an instant family? I wasn't ready for that and there were other women I could date that were my age that seemed more appropriate. She was crushed. I felt really bad about it, but it just couldn't continue. Maybe he is looking at it from this angle?
Why you ask do you not have guilt about such a thing now? Because, like you, the options aren't there anymore. I am drowning and it's now a matter of mental survival. The single guy will never see it that way. Whatever the case, I hope it works out for you.
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