please i need help through this.........
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| Sun, 08-31-2008 - 8:37am |
i am hurting so bad, i have posted here before a couple of times but im mainly a lurker. Cut story short, met a guy on a website comming on two years ago, we have had pc twice of wich both times it was amazing. But this guy just keeps pulling away wich is fine, i tend to wait for his contact and can count on one hand the number of times ive initiated contact with him.
I have tried to pull away so many times and tell him that because my feelings are deepening its not fair on either one of us, but he always pulls me back in. Whilst away on vacation (we were both abroad the same time, different countries) he kept in touch more or less every day, he has told me so many personal things that he has admitted he hasnt told anyone, he has said he feels im special and doesnt want to hurt me, he has cancelled me a couple of times cause he says he didnt want me to think him a bad guy. so wtf.
Since we got back last week he has gone total quiet on me, went back to website we first met and his profile is still up their, although to be honest ive always known this, and its not bothered me, he told me that we got close and he cant just forget about it, he told me that he can see more, this was all before we went away when i tried to pull away again.
Please someone just tell me how to just get him out of my head, im crying, cant sleep. Deep down i just want him to contact me if only so that i can show him that he cant do this to me, just so that i can get the strength of not replying, and then he will know as much as i that i cant do it no more.
I know most of you are going to tell me what a cake eater etc he is. but this man has cried in front of me, im first person he contact when things are going bad, but its definatly not about the sex, so what is it about? im so confused and hurting, cant seem to grasp the possibility that he doesnt give a damn about me no matter what he has told me.
i have accidently lost his number, but i wont email him or anything as he knows i would never chase him
please please help this pain go away, and please tell me how i should handle this
thankyou for reading

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Hello and welcome Medbabe,
Sorry that you are hurting right now and that I don't really have
thanks for your reply crazy, it so so hurts.
I am married and he lives together, we have discussed lots of close issues and over time i guess we have come close, but i just dont understand why he keeps having the need to pull away.
I call him a cake eater because i guess im feeling angry somewhat and that i also know that he has a active profile still on the site we met. Thats ok, but after i pulled away last time and he tried pulling me back i did say to him that i need to distance because i need someone that i can fill a need for and not someone that has a need to pursue others, as i am not a demanding person then i said id pull away rather than ask him to comform to what i want.
I cant send a mail, i just dont know why, its a rule ive had from the beginning and if he wants me then he can conact me and thats the way its always been. I must stress though i havnt been quick to jump on his wagon the minute he does contact, i by no means make myself available to all his whims.
I just need to break away as i think my feelings are taking over too much, but im just finding it so difficult. If i was to go NC now he wouldnt know anyway, but that doesnt give me the strength in my mind to continue or give me the closure of knowing that if he is playing me then id like him to know im not taking it no more, and the only way i can show him that is that im going NC, but only if he is aware of it kwim.
this is so difficult, i cant seem to have the strength to do anything, im just hanging around, i just need help to get to a better place
thanks again
Your welcome Medbabe!
The pullaway that takes place can be confusing to those that are experiencing it.
thanks so much crazy, you make so much sense.
im not entirely sure if what i have just done is for the best all i know is i needed to do it, and i kinda feel quite good about it to be honest, i sent him a email.
I basically said that i had not heard from him, and that i feel that im just hanging around for if nothing better comes along to take you mind. Oh my god crazy i told him that although its none of my buisness as such that i just dont wish to be in that circle, i also told him that the only thing i ever asked is for his honesty but i feel he hasnt been, and that i want to wish him luck and that i cant do the sitting around waiting for you to find time to think of me kinda thing, so i ended by saying that i sincerely wished him well and that he would eventually find what he seeks.
i got a reply wich simply said, you always presume that , i have but only ever been honest with you.
to wich i replied so be it, and because im a decent person i will apologise for any presumptions i have made of wich may not be entirely true, but for this moment in time i wish to follow my gut instinct and again told him i was not getting at him but sincerely wishing him well. and left it at that.
I do feel better for it, but im hurting so much, i knew i had to do it, his profile on the website is still active, and i know he has had contact with other women. Well this is one hell of a women that isnt even going to take that one percent of being taken for a ride a moment longer.
please help me keep strong as i know il miss him like crazy, but i have to do it as its causing me too much grief.
I just hope ive done the right thing................
You've done the right thing - you know you have. One of my new favorite phrases: "What will help you sleep at night?"
Well, based on what you wrote, here is my opinion. What will help you sleep at night is being the one to tell him you won't take this anymore. And that, you did. I know you are in pain - its obvious in your post, and I don't mean to minimize that. But what was also obvious in your post was your desire to claim back a little self-respect and dignity and be the one to end it. And there's nothing at all wrong with that.
An A can claim so much self-respect and dignity, and I am all for anyone trying to get a little of that back as they find a way out of the A.
So, good for you. You got back a little self-respect. You got some closure. And you took your life back.
It hurts, I know, but it's got to hurt a whole lot less than feeling like you're being used.
thankyou so much for your welcomed comments, i am struggling so much, hurting yes, but in all the time ive known him ive never made aware of how much i think of him, or need him, or how much i miss him when i dont hear from him.
I received a message from him this morning wishing me good morning, now what do i do, help oh help to give me the strength to not reply, im going to keep busy im not giving in. Deep down i know he will miss me, if only the ego i give his being, but i know he will miss me as he has admitted that i always give him the advice and support that he needs when he is having a difficult time with his partner, and that he has noone else to turn to. Well if he truly cared then surely he wouldnt treat me this way, ignore me when it suits and expect me their when he blows the whistle. Well ive just exchanged his whistle for a balloon so he can keep blowing until it pops and im going to try my damnest not to respond
its so so hard, so much harder said than done...............
Medbabe
Not sure if you have replied to his email by now or not.
well i havnt replied to his text, im still hurting and the temptation has been their so strong today and the one thing that has stopped me is thinking, 'hang on a minute, did he think about me all last week when he never even bothered to contact me once, did he feel sick inside that he hadnt had any contact with me, did he not sleep or eat because he so wanted to hear from me'. Well lets put it this way if he did he would of contacted me like a shot, so the obvious answer is no.
Im just not ready for the EAS board yet, im still a little tender and sensitive, but i will bide my time. Its not easy and i dont know what tomorrow will bring. Yes he was probably testing the waters with texting me, and do you know i feel releif, releif that i am in control, releif that i for once feel i have the power of choice on my side, to either respond or ignore. That if this is going to end, then im definatly going to end it on my terms and not his. I know it may be wrong, but the great sense of satisfaction i feel from that thought compensates for all the misery times he has put me through with the 'what ifs??'
its so damn difficult, it hurts so much, but i know that noone has the rights to determine my path in life except me and the obvious unforseen circumstances that comes with life. Especially a person that has not been their to contribute to the sweat and determination that has gone into my life today.
oh well ..........be strong .........be strong.........and tomorrow the light shall shine
Hey...medbabe...I too am not really ready for the EAS board, I do lurk there from time to time and only suggested it as seeing that it does help many.
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