Please no more pain!
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Please no more pain!
| Wed, 02-25-2004 - 9:46am |
Well here I am again..I was just writing to let eveyone know who was helping me the other day that I found a counseler...my appt is Monday at 1:00..but it seems things are getting worse for me...last night I called OM and told him to call me right back..well instead of calling where I was he hit the wrong button on his phone and called my H house!! he said when my H answered it didn't click right away and he said issss and then hung up because he relized what he did..well my H *69ed him and got his # and then called me and asked who the F**K was calling his house asking for me...I was stumped!! all I could say was I don't know who would be calling..and he said who the hell did you give our #..I said I don't remember...well anyway..so when I hung up with H I called OM back and he was all saying I'm so sory..so while we were on the pone he got another call..it was H!! OM said I'm not going to answer..so he didn't well then my phone beeped and it was H again..he made up a huge lie saying OM had answerd the phone and told him that I had given him my # and that I was not married...!! WTF!! He lied!! then the told me he hated me..and I said hate is a strong word to use so make sure you mean it..and he said I do..so I said well thats all I needed to know..and hung up..well later on I called him back and said do you really hate me and he said noooo I was just mad...I just don't know what to do..its like Im being pulled into two different directions with my heart..on one hand I love my H with everything..even though Im not In-Love with him...he is my bestfriend..my parents call him son..my dad is soooo mad at me for all of this...on the other hand I want to leave becuase Im 22 and I want to live a 22 year old life..go out have fun party...date...in general just do a lot of growing up..should I really stay in a marriage where I'm no in-love anymore..and eventually I will get used to it as I get older..last night when I was telling OM eveything he started to say something but changed his mind so I said what? it took forever but I drug it out of him..he said that he just wanted me to give him a chance to make me happy..because thats all I ever talk about is how perfect my H is and how good he treats me and Im scared to leave because im afraid I will never find any other man who treats me sooooo good..I just don't know anymore..Im sorry this is so long I just needed to vent a little..you guys are great...Little

I don't know your entire situation but you said "and eventually I will get used to it as I get older". I am not much older than you, but I felt the same way right around the time I turned 21. I knew I wasn't in love with my H anymore but I thought if I stuck it out I'd grow up a bit and it'd all work out. Well, I grew up and grew even further apart from H. Granted, he didn't treat me good so our situations are different. If you walk away from your M don't do it for OM. Do it because it's what is right for you. Hang in there.....maybe the counselor will help you sort out your thoughts and figure out what you really want.
hi littlesecret.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board