Possible A situation...confused
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Possible A situation...confused
| Tue, 08-04-2009 - 5:28pm |
Ok, wow, I can honestly say I never, ever thought I'd find myself posting on this board.
| Tue, 08-04-2009 - 5:28pm |
Ok, wow, I can honestly say I never, ever thought I'd find myself posting on this board.
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Myspace Graphics
Yes, definitely hoky. I know he's not M to this woman (I did some research/snooping, just to be sure). I have never met her, probably never will, nor do I want to really. I do not like the idea of meeting/being friends with who someone I'm dating has slept with. And, again, I think it goes back to their "don't ask, don't tell" policy between them dating other people. Neither of them brings other people around the other.
I just don't understand their current relationship. Her texting she misses him, being frustrated that he hasn't called, wondering when he is going to be home if he's out on "business" (with me) more days than normal. He calls me his g/f, introduces me to other people as that, definitely doesn't hide "us" from anyone...except the roommate. Again, maybe they do have an open relationship. If it is, it's a "respectful" one where they don't say anything to eachother so no one gets hurt/jealous with details.
My b/f cannot stand to hear details of my past relationships. Falls under the category of "tmi" for him. I don't want to know about the sexual details of past relationships of his either. This current "relationship" with the roommate makes me wonder though. I don't know if its strictly a convenience thing to keep living like this until he has the money to move on or if this is how it's always been...she's the fallback girl. Maybe she is his g/f, maybe she is just a roommate who has grown attached to him (they've known eachother a while). I'm not sure.
I don't have to wait until the end of the month for any reason to ask more questions. I can ask whenever, I think. The end of the month though is when the "action" time comes. If he buys a car like he says he's going to that will show me that he is serious about moving on with his life. Step 1, anyway. If he doesn't or there is some excuse about having an emergency bill to pay or something then I think that will start to tell me if he is/is not serious about moving on with his life as he claims.
Even if "the roommmate" is his g/f I'm not sure I really care. I care in the sense that I feel bad that I'm the OW, but I have such a great time with this guy and there seems to be, possibly, a real future there with us so I don't want to ruin that.
I think there was a time he was financially irresponsible to some extent. But, I also know he has helped his family out financially a few times (he told me and I snooped and saw some e-mails). The reason he said he doesn't have a car right now is because he sold it several months ago to help his mom out with a bad financial situation she was in. So, its not that he's a loser. He does pay for stuff himself, he sometimes pays for my meals when we go out and takes me out to nice, expensive dinners time to time.
Yes, I worry about possibly ending up as "the roommate". It has crossed my mind and if we are to ever consider a future together, that is one discussion I must have. How did he end up as "roommates" with this woman...how did their relationship start, etc.
I'm not sure if there is anything for her to find out. If they have an open relationship, then she shouldn't care. I found her profile on a couple online networking sites (looks like she doesn't use them often) and she is listed as "single" on both sites. I'm sure if she got a hold of his cell phone alone and snooped thru that she would see a lot she doesn't want to see (texts to/from me) that would clearly spell out a whole lot.
Just be careful what you wish for...
This behavior seems quite comfortable for him.
Yes, I agree, definitely need some straight answers...especially IF I decide I want to take this to the next level/moving in together some time in the future. Right now, that's a no for me. IF we were to move in together I can tell you right now the leash would definitely be shortened quite a bit and I would not approve of keeping the roommate as "just a friend" or any other relationship with her.
It's frustrating because I don't really know what this other person is. FWB/female friend in an open relationship, "other" girlfriend, etc. Everything else he is really straight forward about. Maybe he would tell me more if I asked, but I haven't really asked much. The time I asked for a small explanation he was brief, but asked calmly and politely if there was anything else I would like to know about that situation. So, maybe I should just ask and in more detail.
Hi,
I think that is a good idea to go ahead and ask more questions about that situation.
I haven't read any replies yet so this may be something other responders have covered: what is offensive here is that he has not been honest about his situation with you.
In most affairs it starts with the honesty that the other person is morally or legally committed to other and we are therefore "cheating."
I agree about the "I miss you" thing. That bothers me. I could understand if they were friends/roommates, he moved out and they didn't see each other for a few months. An I miss you might be in order (on a friend level, of course). I wouldn't be crazy about it, but at least it wouldn't be as questionable. "I miss you" after not seeing each other for 4 days or so, I don't get it. Sounds like there is more going on there, whether it be they actually have feelings for each other or he's being nice to her in order to continue living there until he can make other arrangements. I just don't like it.
I don't want to tell him I went through his phone and saw those texts because I really hate to snoop. I do feel bad about it, but at the same time when I feel like something is questionable and I can get an answer, or some glimpse of something, I'm going to try to find out. What I really should do is talk to him and ask some very straight forward questions. Not sneaky and maybe more informational.
I definitely see some red flags. If it is a FWB deal, it sounds like there is a little more to it. Even if she is legitimately ok with him carrying on relationships (with no details getting back to her - "don't ask, don't tell") I'm not ok with not knowing the full truth. I'd rather know he was/is having an A with me and know the details then be in this kind of grey area.
I'm definitely trying to not let myself get anymore attached to him without knowing more info. It's hard. For the most part, I just enjoy the relationship and don't think about what else is going on in the background. The proof I need to see in order to take this to the next level will be coming in the next few months. If I don't see him 1. buy a car and 2. move out (not in with me either) then I'm going to take that as he's comfortable with the scenario he set up (me and "the roommate"). If he doesn't do those things soon then I will take that as a sign that I either need to accept it (have "fun", detach, and maybe start to date other people too) or move on to something/someone I find more suited to my future desires.
Just a couple questions here:
1.
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