Possibly leaving earlier than planned...
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| Mon, 03-22-2004 - 9:05pm |
I believe we've at least worked out a custody agreement. Both children will sleep at my place every Tuesday and Wednesday night and every other weekend. That gives me the kids 6 nights out of 14. Of course I told her I wouldn't take the baby from here the first 8 weeks because she'll be staying home that whole time. So I'll have to come here and do feedings and such. My W was very strong throughout this conversation. But since then she's been very broken up. I appreciate her feelings and she has the right to be sad. I'm sad too, I'm just trying not to let myself be overcome by it.
I guess I'm feeling kind of sad in general. As much as I know this is the right thing, to actually be only two months away from moving out is very bittersweet. I'm still very scared of not seeing my son everyday. He and I have an unbelievable bond and he's a strong kid so I know he'll be okay. But this will hurt him and I hate to do that. I'm also scared for my W. I didn't want her to have to face her last month of pregnancy alone. I mean I'll be there for her if she'll let me. I plan to keep my cell. phone on at all times so I can be reached. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like such a horrible person sometimes.

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You know, it sounds like you've done this just about as well as can be. And your W sounds like a smart woman. I don't think it's possible or necessarily desirable to slip from a M without feeling some sadness.
I'll be honest with you. I keep up with your posts since I got here, and I take some hope in hearing what you're doing. Your focus and faith are an inspiration to me in my situation. I believe because of the integrity and dignity you've fought to keep present in your situation, you will find your rewards.
You're a good man. Hang in there, brother.
rain
Omaha, I don't think you're a horrible person.
Well from the outside here you & W seem to be doing quite well in working on custody already. And see, I knew W would gain some strength - for her to be able to look at the bigger picture in what is best for the children rather than her or you - wow! And if you don't realise it, you're helping by giving her some control in the situation.
I guess I'd liken W's strength in this case to adreneline - she had enough to keep her going and then afterwards...whoosh, she felt depleted. I've done it myself - kept going until I got out of work and then cry on the way home, or until the kids were in bed and then blubber into my pillow. I don't know if men will ever understand how women can get so emotional, nor if women will ever understand how men can not let feelings overwhelm them.
I know that whatever I say will not ease your fear with regards to your not seeing your son every day, or for your new baby, or maybe even for being on your own. But, Omaha, you are only scared because you don't have anything to reference it to; you've not been in this situation so you can't envision the scene. You'll see once you've actually experienced it that the *thought* of it is worse than the *actuality*. Have you not found this to be true with other things you were hesitant/scared to do?
<> Are you a horrible person? Doesn't that then make W a horrible person for the part she played? Or, is it more the situation that is horrible?
Peace & Strength,
Meow
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Wow, very profound words Meow. I agree with Meow, it is the fear of the unknown and not having been down this path before. It really is a tough position for you both to be in. Good luck to you.
what you are going through is hard. You will see glimpses of hope and pretty soon you will realize you have made the best choice you could for your family at this time.
(hugs) to you.
wish i could say something better.
jen
I wish you much love and happiness as you go forth with a R with your OW. She might be young, Omaha, but she wants you...that's all that matters!
Oh yeah, and let us know if the R doesn't work out....I am sure there are lots of women who would let you cry on their shoulder! *wink* LOL
Take care! (((HUGS)))
ibc
As with any relationship, communication is key - without knowing your W, I'd hope that she'd still want and allow you to be part of your son's birth and I'm sure that your continuing to support her emotionally means a lot, even if there's a bit of pain now.
Best of luck and, although I know it's easier said than done, try not to second guess yourself. Perhaps by moving out now, you can both begin to heal.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Whatnow
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