Possibly leaving earlier than planned...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Possibly leaving earlier than planned...
22
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 9:05pm
I had a long talk with my W this weekend and she raised a very good point. I was planning on staying for the birth of my baby and his first 8 weeks or so before moving out. But she is worried if I leave shortly after the baby is born, our 5 year old will somehow blame the baby. So she said she would rather I move out before the baby is born. I think this logic is sound, but I'm still confused and scared. I want to be there for my baby's birth but I know it might be uncomfortable for her.

I believe we've at least worked out a custody agreement. Both children will sleep at my place every Tuesday and Wednesday night and every other weekend. That gives me the kids 6 nights out of 14. Of course I told her I wouldn't take the baby from here the first 8 weeks because she'll be staying home that whole time. So I'll have to come here and do feedings and such. My W was very strong throughout this conversation. But since then she's been very broken up. I appreciate her feelings and she has the right to be sad. I'm sad too, I'm just trying not to let myself be overcome by it.

I guess I'm feeling kind of sad in general. As much as I know this is the right thing, to actually be only two months away from moving out is very bittersweet. I'm still very scared of not seeing my son everyday. He and I have an unbelievable bond and he's a strong kid so I know he'll be okay. But this will hurt him and I hate to do that. I'm also scared for my W. I didn't want her to have to face her last month of pregnancy alone. I mean I'll be there for her if she'll let me. I plan to keep my cell. phone on at all times so I can be reached. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like such a horrible person sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:46pm
I must have misunderstood - I thought that this was a safe forum and a SUPPORT board!

No one can change their past, you can only try to recognize mistakes (if that's what the person involved feels it was) and then try to move forward. Philly - I don't think beating on Omaha is in any means supportive.

Responding to the previous poster pleading with Omaha not to leave for the sake of the children - since you're projecting your situation, I'll do the same. I watched my H be tortured by his mother when he chose to leave his first marriage. The woman died not forgiving him for leaving his kids - in her mind. Raising a child or children in a house without love is far more damaging than the "staying for the sake of the kids" argument. It's certainly painful in the beginning, but let's do a reality check - lots and lots of families break up. Children of divorce do not stick out like sore thumbs among their friends. As long as the parents love their children and don't put them in the middle of the parents' struggles, the child is best in the long run.

I am the opposite extreme - I am 36 years old and I wish my parents had divorced long ago. I'm now old enough to see the negativity between them - that didn't do me any favors.

Omaha - stay strong and love your children. The rest will work itself out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:04am
Thank you for the support whatnow. :)

I agree with you completely on the past. I wish I could go back and undo some things, but all I can do is take my mistakes and learn from them. As I've said in other posts, I would never cheat on anyone again. I know all too well I'm not really cut out for it. It hurt me too badly.

As far as phillygirl goes, I've gotten used to her responses. I really don't think she meant what she said as an insult to me. She was just stating something she believes. She and I have been through a few rounds but I'm fine with what she had to say in this case.

I definitely agree on staying together for the children. My parents did this and as a result, my relationship with my father was non-existent. He wasn't happy so he wasn't around that much. Now that he is divorced and remarried, he and I are very close. And I pride myself on being and outstanding parent. That will not change. I'm not just doing what is best for me. I honestly believe this is the best thing for everyone involved, including my W and kids. My W and I are at least still young and I'm sure we will both end up in happy relationships. Tell me how that won't be a good example and a good environment for our children.

Again, thanks for the kind words. It means a lot in these stressful times. :)

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