Post Valentine's Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Post Valentine's Day
12
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 9:30am
This may be a little late but, believe it or not, I've been avoiding MM since Thursday the 12th. I know I can only put this off so long, so I thought I'd ask those of you who have dealt with this already this week for your advice. A big part of the reason I'm avoiding MM is that I just can't bear to listen to how his weekend was. The later it gets in the week, I guess the less likely it is we'll actually discuss it, but I want to be prepared just in case it comes up. Did any of your MMs talk about their weekend and what they did for V-day? Honestly, just hearing about what they ate, what they gave each other, etc., makes me want to puke. (I already heard most of this Wednesday and Thursday of last week, which is why I started staying away!) But another issue is that I can't very well discuss MY weekend when I'm asking him not to. Anyway...how did you all handle it? Do you have agreements not to discuss it or are other people just better at handling the jealousy than I am? The further I fall for this guy, the harder it gets to hear...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 9:39am
Glad to see you are still here, Lilah!!! We did not discuss what each did, I have not asked, and neither has he. I accepted his card with delight, and vice versa.. But really glad to see you are still here...

Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 9:47am
Thanks, Mitzy. I'm barely here, though. I'm still not feeling comfortable posting. Feel like my every word is judged. Maybe I'll get over it, in time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 9:54am
All I can try to say, is try as hard as you can to keep each life seperate, MM and his DW, yours with MM, and the rest. It is hard, very hard, especially when you know all the actors. It will help calm the emotions though if you can. What he feels for you, is not what he feels for his DW, and trust me, a lot of the MM are living double lives, like us MW, that is just the way it is. MM gives me that something extra that no one has, and I him. But I am sure his DW gives him things I don't. And in the end, she is the one to pick up his underwear and complain about his organisation. I don't have to give him the daily hassles, that may make him go crazy...

Smile, give it time, do not ask or talk about the weekend if it makes you uncomfortable. There is really no reason to know. BUT the faster you accept that he may enjoy his DW too, then it will go easier for your head.

I am not good at giving advice, and I have not read your whole life on the board, but take it easy, remember, keep it simple.. really simple, minute by minute. do not let it eat you up, as it is doing...

Mitzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:24am
My MM is separated, so V-Day for him was really only with me. I did not tell him what my H got me (which wasn't bought until V-Day itself and consisted of a box of candy which the H ate anyway). We don't really discuss our "other lives" outside of the A, which keeps both of us from having our hearts ache. So, if the possibility of finding out what your MM did for V-Day upsets you, don't ask. Hope that helps! ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:28am
he actually asked how mine was - since he knew I wasn't expecting much at home - I told him and he said "I'm glad it turned out good" - then I asked how his was and if she liked the necklace I helped him pick out ;-) and he said she loved it and then said that they went to dinner, for dessert and then on a carraige ride - my reply via email was "how romantic." - that was all that was ever said. He may have caught on to my annoyance. Honestly my heart dropped when I heard him talking about it - but I never let on. Then that same day (monday) I saw her walk in (to meet him for lunch) and my heart dropped again. Then when they were walking out he glanced back and me and winked...just to let me know he was thinking of me and also that he knew I was watching them - how could I not?

*sigh* hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:44am
Hi Lilah. We really don't exchange much details on stuff like that. Although we do usually ask each other what our weekend plans are. And for the Valentine's weekend he said his W was out of town til late Sat. night anyways. And I told him my H was working all Sat. afternoon and straight thru til midnight. So we were kind of in the same situation. But I didn't ask him yesterday what he got her if anything. I really don't want to know. He did ask and I did tell him what my H got me though (it wasn't really a romantic weekend for me anyways).

But when we had time together yesterday, he gave me a little item, something I asked him for, just a personal item but we use in our times together. It wasn't really for Valentine's Day. But he is nice that way. If there is something I want for our times together, he will get it for me.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 10:54am
I don't know how you ladies who work with MM can manage the relationship. But I think if I had to work in the same place as him and act like nothing's happening, it would drive me crazy!!

I know he said to me before, if he worked at my office, he'd be dropping papers all around at my desk just to be near me!!

But that must be heartbreaking, seeing the W come in to meet him for lunch. Because obviously then things are not as bad as what they lead you to believe. I don't even know what MM's wife looks like, nor do I want to know. I think its better for me that way. And he doesn't ask me alot of details on my H either. Once in a while we get nosy about each other's life, but that's not often.

My MM says he's got no sex life with the W, but I know there is affection/love there anyways, and if I had to witness it, I would be upset I think. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:16am
he has never pretended to be unhappy at home. he's engaged and they are expecting a baby and for the most part I think they are happy. we have been friends longer than they have known each other and the A only started a little over a month ago. I am also pretty happy at home although lately things have been stressed but I figure it's just a phase we're going through.

Also - I work in a remote part of the building (near the entrance) and he works all the way at the other end of the building - I do make *special* trips to the "other" copier just to see him - the other day the stupid thing was broken and he was walking by and stopped to help me and the electricity was out of this world, and I don't mean to the copier!! - I could hardly stand - but usually we're ok when we're around each other....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:04pm
Wow, I could never work with my MM either, I would never be able to keep my hands off of him! But as for V's Day MM "supposedly" didn't get her a thing....not even a card. He came over to my apt for about three hours "while he was out to get some medicene" and she called every five minutes. Then, he met up with me at about 10pm and stayed the night with me. Of course she called all night....he turned his phone off. Whenever I ask (which I shouldn't because I hate hearing it but I can't not know) he always tells me that their R is horrible..he is supposed to be in the process of breaking it off with her. I don't know if I really believe him because my H still talks to his W on a daily basis (when they are dropping the kids at school) and according to my (stb ex) H she is trying to break it off with him and he is begging for her back....so who knows. I am hearing one thing, my H is hearing another. What's a girl to do? My advice....don't ask and don't tell. That would probably be the easiest.....I wish I could follow my own advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:26pm
Working together isn't easy but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love going to work every morning knowing I'll be able to see him and (when things are going well) talk to him. Right now I've imposed an unofficial NC on him. It's kinda irritating me that he hasn't caught on yet! I haven't really spoken to him since Thursday. I sensed that V-day was going to make him pull away from me as he does sometime and if there's one thing I've learned in this, when he pulls back the absolute best thing to do is pull back as well and just let him be in his cave for a while. It annoys the heck out of him, but it makes his "away" periods last MUCH shorter time. I'd personally rather not see him at all then have to sit there while he treats me like I'm just another buddy. Is that absurd? At one time I would have told you that I'd rather talk to him in any sense than not talk to or see him at all, but it's kind of fun just vanishing for a few days and knowing it's driving him crazy. (Those of you who think I'm weird or whatever...go away! I'm a drama queen and that's how I'll always be!) MM is definitely one of those guys who wants what he can't have. When I was clingy and needy, it drove him further and further away and we were both miserable. But these games would be much less fun if I didn't work in the same building as him!

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