Potential D-Day?
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Potential D-Day?
| Sun, 08-31-2008 - 1:44pm |
I'm on pins and needles. I just received an email from AP that his W is acting very POd. They are in the middle of entertaining guests so she's not saying anything but he knows something major is up. I'm praying it's not another D-Day. Our first was Feb 08. We've had more than one but still can't seem to stop communicating even though we've gone NC a few times. It's an LDA so it's pretty much an EA but I understand how she wouldn't be happy about that either. I'm just hoping it's something else entirely even though this is what he's anticipating from her actions. We try to be so careful...I wonder what happened?

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I'll bite. I know there are a few of the long-time MAS posters who are treading carefully at weekends since our trollathon. But, I will reply because I think your question pertains to a lot of people in As in a lot of situations. Its basically that obsession we all develop with what happened, what's going to happen? What did he mean by that? What is he going to do? Does the W know? Did she intercept a text? Why is he not calling?
I think we should rename MAS to the Psychic Hotline.
The bottom line is that (1) nobody but his W knows why she is POd; (2) worrying about it won't change it; and (3) you'll drive yourself crazy speculating and obsessing if you don't go find something else to occupy your brain power.
I know its easier said than done, but we all need to do a better job of not jumping to conclusions, not expecting the worst, not panicking that something terrible has happened. As someone told me, many, many years ago, and this thought sticks with me. The most likely answer is the most likely answer because its the most likely. Doh.
So, she probably broke a nail while preparing for their entertaining after just spending $30 on a manicure yesterday. That would P me off.
Upon re-reading my post, I can see why it looks like I'm looking for an answer...it was merely a rhetorical question though. Probably just a bid for a bit of sympathy. :) I'm actually only somewhat worried about what it may be she's upset about but I'll accept whatever happens...I have no choice. He wrote in his email that it was "d word" upset. This, I'm certain, is serious and not just a nail - neither of us are ones to panic over little things. In June we went nearly a month NC due to a discovery and intended to stay that way but, one thing leads to another... I'm taking a pragmatic approach to this and if it's the end, I'll just have to resign myself to it.
You'll be happy to hear that I didn't sit around all day fretting either. I did some food prep for the holiday and then went to the shelter and spent over three hours there cleaning, feeding, brushing, playing, etc. Life goes on as it should.
Thanks for replying BTDT. I've been around here a long time too...long enough to have followed your story from the beginning. :) I'm just not a regular poster. That and I've been hanging out at EAS off and on for a few months. Trying to be the good Girl Scout...always prepared.
btdt2008 wrote:
Its basically that obsession we all develop with what happened, what's going to happen? What did he mean by that? What is he going to do? Does the W know? Did she intercept a text? Why is he not calling?
I think we should rename MAS to the Psychic Hotline.
OMG, I literally laughed out loud when I read this.
Hey there Cookie.
Hi Btrue,
Yes, I thought we were done in June as well but, like an Energizer Bunny, we keep going. :) I know the torment of the A well, somedays being resigned to end it and others finding it inconceivable that I would never hear the sound of his voice again. Like most others on these affair boards express about their AP, he is my best friend, the first one I want to share anything with.
Recently, I wrote him THE good-bye email during his family vacation. I am almost there and he and I both know it. I told him it was sitting in my draft folder. He understands and will accept it if/when I send it as will I if I get one from him. NEITHER of us will be happy about it.
The fact is that we both need to stay in our marriages. He does love her after all, and they have young children, not to mention he's part of the sandwich generation and has his parents living with them as well. There's a lot of responsibility resting on his shoulders. Me, I'm married to a man who is nearly 20 years my senior at 72 and as he's aged we agree on less and less. It's like living with a parent. There is NO sex, NO kissing, NO holding and we've talked about it until I'm blue and I've tried everything, really and in a nice way. It's just not gonna happen but it's very important to me. So...should I end a 26 year marriage? With a lifetime of things we've shared? I can't see myself starting over again with nothing yet I'm not happy about living this life for another 10 or more years.
So the only thing left is to end the A or as we've been doing...being friends who say I love you because we just don't want to say good-bye.
Thanks Btrue for your insight. I follow your posts all over these boards and you always have good advice, compassion and a true willingness to help. You're a major asset over at LAB's Both Sides.
Cookie
Thank you for your kind words.
You may be right...she could be fed up. I probably would be too. I just handled my H's EA differently and tried to be understanding and not threatening or confrontational. It took time for him to get over his "crush" - almost two years.
Thanks for your support Bound. I'm not going to get too worked up about it. I'm sure that at some point, he'll email me one way or another.
Edited 9/1/2008 9:55 am ET by cookie1006
I know what you mean, in the early days of our A I did get angry with my H because I wanted to be with AP as often as I could which was mostly by chat and email. It's made my H HATE my laptop. LOL After our first d-day, I had fewer periods of being angry with him for THAT reason. :) I think now I have more frequent periods of being envious of AP's W...that she has the things I'd like to share with him.
I'm the same as I'm Weather Channel junky to begin with and there's something exciting about the power of nature. It's too bad the destruction it brings with it though.
Cookie, I don't have much to add to what the others have already said.
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