potential D-Day, please advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
potential D-Day, please advise
7
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 11:05am

I may have just had a D-day....


Her H has gotten suspicious lately...


He just happened to be at her vehicle when I brought her back to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 1:09pm

What to expect ? Well, anything from your A being over to your AP's DH talking to you for details to her throwing you under the bus to her DH divorcing her.
I and AP had a DDay but we survived and now are unseperable but we are very careful to not let MM's W find out again.

I hope you guys come out of it easily but be prepared for the worst and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 10:24am

I havent heard from her all weekend, to find out what is going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 12:29pm

"what all do you get out of these??" I have to lol ! I get a complete sense of fulfillment , a relationship, love ,a deep emotional connection,compatibility,fun and everything else that goes with having a relationship with someone you love.I love my MM and he loves me in return.Isnt it love that we all crave? We all do and if it happens with a M person then so be it.I dont get to be with my AP all the days of the week but then again, even in RLR, no one likes to spend 24/7 with the partner ,gets annoying.When AP is with family, I do my 'me' stuff.For us,hiding etc. is worth it.

"What do you do when confronted? just deny?" We got caught in action so couldnt deny.

"how do you and your AP re-connect once having a d-day or close call?" This is THE difficult part but everyone deals in a different way.If you read the EAS,you will read most of the women there have been thrown under the bus,hence the bitterness and 'realizations',obviously they were not good at handling the period.In our dday, MM didnt do a single thing to make me feel bad,put blame on me or call me a home-wrecker or point any kind of finger.He stood by me when caught.Having an A doesnt mean the people involved are characterless or anything of the kind.Good people have A's too.We didnt have to 're-connect' so to say as we never disconnected in the first place.We did made sure that his W and a couple of friends who knew about A believed that we were done forever.We are just cautious and dont advertise.

Are you M or S ?

I get a feeling that you are in it for just sex and no feelings,thats why are finding it not worth it.One needs to be in love and stay in love to find out the extent of it being worth it or not.Your A doesnt feel like worth it,so take this close call as opportunity to break it off and work on your M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 12:36pm

actually, i am single, she is M.


what I am having a problem with... I guess I am single and a little lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 10:31am
D days are NOT fun. I have had one myself. There is nothing you can do right now till you speak with her and find out what happened. Did her H actually see you together? Do you feel he has proof? Most likely she will deny everything if confronted unless H has proof.
None of us can tell you what to expect if you do get caught because all spouses react differently. While mine was furious at my MM, he never contacted him or his W. I had to end it and was not even close to ready to do that. Probably why I am now searching for another.
Why do we do it? because even though M we are searching for something ourselves, whether it is because we are lonely, unhappy sexually or otherwise. We are getting something from our A's not found in our M. You have to ask yourself if you are getting anything positive from this? If you feel you aren't, then you need to make a decision as to what you really want from this. I am somewhat seeing a SG and having my own issues because I want more than he does. he wants only sex I believe and I want to be able to hang out and have fun. Not looking to move my toothbrush into his place but he is leary about us getting close and not sure if its ME he i worried about or himself. A's are always difficult and looking over your shoulder is one of the worst parts-not being able to just be out and having fun. Good luck with you decision and let us know if you are "safe".
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 11:51am

James, I think you need to let her go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 1:14am
I have not had a DDAY or potential one with my MM so I can't really offer any advice.