Pregnant from Affair - Anyone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Pregnant from Affair - Anyone else?
13
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:07pm
I have not been on this board in about 2 months. Last time I was on here, I was asking about affairs, as I had just started one. I am still involved in the affair and just this morning took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I am sure it is correct as I am late and have some symptoms. My husband is unable to have children, so there is no getting around the fact that he will know I was with someone else. I feel sick to my stomach. I am at a loss as to what to do. I won't have an abortion, so I'm definitly having it. I love my husband and my om also. On one hand I think I should end the affair, and not tell the om about my pregnancy and just deal with my husband. Part of me wants to tell my om since it is his child (he is single). I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember, but not like this. Previous to my affair, my husband and I had been having fertility treatments done, but have been unsucessful so far. I was thinking about maybe telling my husband that I want to resume fertility treatments (he doesn't go with me to the doctors appointments anymore) and then pretend the pregnancy resulted from that. That is such a huge lie though. I don't know what to do. Anyone else in a similar situation or have any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:11pm
I believe you need to tell your OM...if it is his child, he does have the right to know. And you have the right to the support from him. As for your husband, if it were me, I would have to fess up and tell him what went on. I know other members of the board may or may not agree with me, but that's what I would do. The sooner you can deal with this situation, the sooner you can continue with your pregnancy and (hopefully) not stres so much. My heart is out for you and you're in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:23pm

chris, i agree with noregrets.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:25pm
I would tell the OM about your pregnancy. He has a right to know and help you decide, its his child too. About H, I would say you can even now pretend without dragging him to the fertility centers that you are pregnant and see where it goes from there, esp if you have been having sex with him. Good Luck!

PS: I know my OM would have a fit if this ever happened to me. LOL!


Edited 2/27/2004 1:26:59 PM ET by julietsfate

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:40pm
You have got to tell OM and H the truth. In most A situations the key rule is to deny but this is far beyond that. You are carrying a child. Tell OM first, and get his view on things, after all, it is his child too. Then, based on what you and OM decide, tell H. The hardest part will definitely be to get the nerve to tell H. Once you get past that it won't be as bad. But, for the sake of the child and everyone else involved, don't lie to your H and tell him it's his if you know it's not. It's not fair to your H or the child. Think about it really hard before you make any crazy decisions, there are four peoples lives here that could change drastically based on whatever decision you make. Hang in there, take care of yourself, and congratulations.


Edited 2/27/2004 5:18:07 PM ET by karenca2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:08pm
I think we need a special section of the boards for prayer requests and good wishes....I think this is one circumstance where we'll all be saying a prayer tonight (and for a while).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:18pm
I thought that most people on here would say to be honest with my H and the OM. I know I can tell OM about it and he would be okay, but telling my H scares me beyond belief. What if he leaves me? It will change my whole life. I would have to sell my house, move and change my way of life completely. I am not the type of woman who has to have a man in her life, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I just can't imagine hurting my husband like this. I guess I should have thought about that before I started the affair. Thank you all for your advice and prayers. I have a lot of thinking to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:37pm
Well, Chris, we'll definitely be thinking of you and you will be in my prayers tonight. Please post after you tell your H. Who knows? This will be extremely hard, but you never know how it will end until you do it. Keep an open mind and an open heart. The best of wishes and much love to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:46pm

chris, no doubt this will be the hardest conversation you will probably ever have with your H.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 3:00pm
Hi Chris. I have never been in this situation before, but you and H wanted children? I think everyone is right, you have to "bite the bullet" and tell OM and H. Who knows, H may (after he gets over his anger) be accepting of the fact that you are going to have a child. Because many couples with fertility problems end up resorting to other methods anyways, where the child is not always from both of them biologically. It will be hard for H probably for quite awhile, but hopefully H can get past that and depending on what you do. If it was me and I really wanted to save my M, I would be ending the A RIGHT now, although I would tell the OM about the baby, but I would give H the chance to be father to the child, if he's willing to.

I think you're probably too late to lie to H, although I would be very scared also, and would probably try to think up something. But that's pretty risky resorting to that. And he probably won't believe it anyways. I know my H wouldn't.

Good luck honey, you're in a really tough situation, I wish you all the best.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 5:16pm
Keep in touch, let us know what happens. We will all be thinking about you.

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