pregnant w/AP's child (update)
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| Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:31am |
I posted back in April under another screen name(ampm) but I forgot my password, etc. so now I have a new screen name. Some of you may remember my story...
Anyway, found out I was pregnant. H and I had a paternity test using amniocentecis fluid. Turns out H is not the father so it is my AP's. H and I are separating( I had planned to ask for separation before pregnancy) I have an apt but haven't moved in yet. I am five months pregnant. We are telling friends and family that we are separating even though I am pregnant but we are not discussing the paternity issue. Its been a tough couple of months. H has gone through the cycles of grief - anger, denial, acceptance. When we found out he told me that he wished it was his child and that he will always care about what happens to me. Of course, I don't deserve his compassion but he's giving it to me anyway.
My AP has been freaking out since he heard the news and when the test confirmed that H wasn't the father, he went into full time freak out mode. Our relationship has had its ups and downs over the past year. We have spent a lot of time together since we found out that I'm pregnant. Sometimes he even made me feel hopeful that we would be together. He is Married but unhappily so(according to him) He and his W have not been spending much time together. he is always on the phone with me at all hours of the night. But now she has decided to spend more time at home and he told me a couple of days ago that she is acting nice toward him and they have been talking about their M. Here are some things he has said to me:
- I didn't have a choice in this(pregnancy)
- why didn't you tell me when you first found out so we could discuss it(trans: why didn't you tell me earlier so I could convince you to terminate)
- I imagined us being together but not with a baby(no trans. needed)
- I have so much to deal with and now this
- How am I going to explain this to my family?
and he repeats these things over and over again.
My response:
- I know you didn't ask to father a child. If you don't want to be involved I'll understand
- Don't tell your family right now. Take time to figure out what you want to do
- I don't expect anything from you.
Do I mean all of these things ?- not really. Why do I say them? My pride.
Last night though, he really broke my heart. He started talking about his other life and how he wants his kids(the ones that already exist) to have two parents and that his wife wants to make it work but he's not sure if they can. Sounded like a big kiss off to me. I told him that he should stay put and work things out with his wife and good luck with it. He says he doesnt know what he wants to do. I told him that if he wanted to be with me, he would. That his indecisiveness tells me that he doesn't want to be with me.
I'm just so tired of this. I loved him but I don't know if I do anymore. Because I know I deserve more. Part of me wants to leave the door open in case he changes his mind. Part of me wants to slam it shut once and for all.
Sorry this is so long. Been up all night crying. So depressed and stressed out.

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Hugs pm_owl ... I'm sorry you are going thru all this.
Owl,
interesting how there are so many twists and turns about this matter.. as there should be..
Thanks everyone for your response, I appreciate all of them.
Just to answer a few questions:
Again, thanks for your comments and suggestions
Just wanted to give you a hug and maybe inappropriately say that I am insanely jealous of your awesome ovaries.
pm - i hope you are able to enjoy the excitement of having a baby!
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