Pulled a slightly bad move on my part
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Pulled a slightly bad move on my part
| Thu, 08-21-2003 - 8:00am |
Yesterday I did not just up and leave H. Instead I called him and told him half of what's been going on. All he knows is that I had thought of leaving and that I thought being at work was just a bad thing for me since OM is there and asking me to leave with him. I had gotten so stressed out that I up and walked out of work without saying anything to anyone. Mind you I'm at home now so I'm not going back. After having the baby we were living on the one income and not paying half our bills just so we could afford food and I'm not talking about fancy meals I'm talking about enough money to buy milk and formula. So now with the stress of OM wanting me to move in with him I have the stress of not knowing if I'll be able to find a job to feed my baby.
OM wants to find out who the father is this week. We can't afford a DNA test and he really can't either but he found a place that he can order the stuff and send it to a lab. The only thing is that it won't hold up in court. H doesn't want the test done at all. He loves this baby and doesn't want OM in the way of being a father. (H and I couldn't get pg for years so this is very important to him) For me to get the test done I would have to do it behind H's back but because this test won't hold up in court I think OM wants to wait until I'm living with him to get it done because in PA if a couple is married and the wife gets pg even if they know that the baby isn't the H they won't force a DNA test. OM knows this and I'm sure he's worried that if we find out that the baby is his I might still back out with being with him but he'll know that the baby is his and if I stay with H he'll never allow him to see the baby.
Both men have been wonderful. I've backed out so many times. Both of them have heard the "I'm staying- I'm going" over and over again. I do have to say I feel like I'm going a little crazy but now with no income coming in on my part I really need to think what's going to be best for the baby.
My H and I aren't finished talking about everything but I know it'll just kill him to leave him and take the baby. He doesn't want to be a weekend dad and I told him that it didn't need to be that way but he said he can see it now the woman he loves leaves and takes his son and he'll never see them again. He tells me over and over that everything can change and we just need to forget the past but OM makes me feel a way that my H has never made me feel. NEVER. I'm still unsure of what to do and I have been for a long time. I get the feeling that this whole thing will never end and I'll just snap at some point.
OM wants to find out who the father is this week. We can't afford a DNA test and he really can't either but he found a place that he can order the stuff and send it to a lab. The only thing is that it won't hold up in court. H doesn't want the test done at all. He loves this baby and doesn't want OM in the way of being a father. (H and I couldn't get pg for years so this is very important to him) For me to get the test done I would have to do it behind H's back but because this test won't hold up in court I think OM wants to wait until I'm living with him to get it done because in PA if a couple is married and the wife gets pg even if they know that the baby isn't the H they won't force a DNA test. OM knows this and I'm sure he's worried that if we find out that the baby is his I might still back out with being with him but he'll know that the baby is his and if I stay with H he'll never allow him to see the baby.
Both men have been wonderful. I've backed out so many times. Both of them have heard the "I'm staying- I'm going" over and over again. I do have to say I feel like I'm going a little crazy but now with no income coming in on my part I really need to think what's going to be best for the baby.
My H and I aren't finished talking about everything but I know it'll just kill him to leave him and take the baby. He doesn't want to be a weekend dad and I told him that it didn't need to be that way but he said he can see it now the woman he loves leaves and takes his son and he'll never see them again. He tells me over and over that everything can change and we just need to forget the past but OM makes me feel a way that my H has never made me feel. NEVER. I'm still unsure of what to do and I have been for a long time. I get the feeling that this whole thing will never end and I'll just snap at some point.

I think that you need to take a step back and look at what is best for YOU...I know your baby is important but I assure you that no matter which man you choose to be with that your baby will be with his/her mother and be just fine. I would strongly suggest that you make your decision of which man you wish to be with before doing a DNA test. I say that because I feel that you are going to make that decide for you and that's not the best foundation to build a lasting relationship on. You need to figure out who you truly want to raise your baby with despite who the father is because either of these men have extended their willingness to be your child's Daddy as well as their love for you.
Best of luck to you and remember that your baby will be in a better situation if you take him/her with you into whatever situation is best for YOU!
Liberal
i would just add one thing -- even though you walked out on the job yesterday, call today and see if they will let you come back, if you want the job back that is. you can say the baby was sick and you just ran out because you were upset. once you find out about the job and possibly resolve the money situation, you will much better. if you cannot go back to your job, find the nearest WIC office (should be listed in the phone book under your state government listings) and register for help there. free formula and baby food.
think about what YOU want and then do it. the baby will be with you no matter what.
take good care,
gurl