I'm not sure I'm the right person to help, but here goes. If you're not OK with less time with AP, have you told him so? It could be that now the chase is over and he's caught you, that he feels he has to do less to keep you. Remember your feelings in this A are completely valid and you have a right to them. A's, like regular R's need open and honest communication in order to survive. If you're not getting what you want out of it, then maybe it is time to consider ending it. It could also be his way of breaking it off with you too, just disappearing until you get the hint.
Sorry I don't remember your story. How did you end up in an A and what were you looking for? Was AP looking for more than just a FWB, because from what you've written, that's what you are right now. If you don't discuss this with him, he won't know what's going on. Men are simple creatures remember, LOL. If he says he's busy, then he is. You are not #1 on his list, and like most of us, it sounds like you're learning you come way below his other responsibilities too. Remember, if there are more lows than highs, then it's time to think about moving on.
I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic. I know I am way down on my AP's list. Sometimes I'm near the top, but it's fleeting, but at times like this when he's busy with work, he pretty much forgets I'm here sometimes - remember that phrase, out of sight out of mind? It hurts and it's frustrating, but I am still in love with this man and not ready to let him go, because he still provides something I want and I'm happy enough to stay for now.
I'd want to know if he's done this before, or if it's something new.My AP has done this over the years and so did most of the guys I've known, including H. If he tells you that he's stressed from work, I'd believe him. Ask him if he wants to talk about it if it comes up again. Mine usually doesn't want to waste time with that, but he does appreciate that I offer. When he's ready, he will tell you about it.Just beacuse he is in touch for x amount of time for x amount of time, doesn't mean that once it changes, that must mean something is wrong.Give him some space and don't expect him to meet your every need. After you have been seeing each other for awhile, it gets easier....you come to a place whee you know that neither of you is going anywhere, and you don't freak out if you don't hear from each other as often.....it usually goes in streaks.Right now, my AP has gone back to work after 2 months off after surgery. And this is his busy time of year anyway.He will often warn me that he won't be online for a few days, if he is busy with work....as long as he offers dates and times to get together , I am ok with that.Email off board if you want to talk, 6!
I'd also add that it's been my experience that a lot , if not most, men feel that sex is a connection to a woman.....your AP probably doesn't have the time and the energy it takes to deal with the emotional part right now.Also, I read something interesting awhile ago that said that men pulling away is normal...they are trying to remain independent....they compared it to a rubber band stretching,or to a child who goes farther from their mother and returns too her each time...she is his "home base"....the rubber band analogy says that if you let them pull away, they come back faster.I am n ot saying men are like little kids, but just the sense that a child wants to become more independent....
If he is pulling back.. let him. He is doing this for a reason, whether it be work related or because he needs space. This has happened to me. My EAP started pulling back months ago, and contact got less and less. He blamed it on work, but I don't think that was the whole reason. He has said before that he is trying to do the wise thing with us. He also told me that September wasnt' good to be in contact either. I let him go. I will see if he will come back when he is ready, but I am not sure if I will be ready for it then. I told m EAP my feelings, but he still pulled away. I knew I couldn't fight it anymore, so I let go.
I'm not sure I'm the right person to help, but here goes. If you're not OK with less time with AP, have you told him so? It could be that now the chase is over and he's caught you, that he feels he has to do less to keep you. Remember your feelings in this A are completely valid and you have a right to them. A's, like regular R's need open and honest communication in order to survive. If you're not getting what you want out of it, then maybe it is time to consider ending it. It could also be his way of breaking it off with you too, just disappearing until you get the hint.
Sorry I don't remember your story. How did you end up in an A and what were you looking for? Was AP looking for more than just a FWB, because from what you've written, that's what you are right now. If you don't discuss this with him, he won't know what's going on. Men are simple creatures remember, LOL. If he says he's busy, then he is. You are not #1 on his list, and like most of us, it sounds like you're learning you come way below his other responsibilities too. Remember, if there are more lows than highs, then it's time to think about moving on.
I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic. I know I am way down on my AP's list. Sometimes I'm near the top, but it's fleeting, but at times like this when he's busy with work, he pretty much forgets I'm here sometimes - remember that phrase, out of sight out of mind? It hurts and it's frustrating, but I am still in love with this man and not ready to let him go, because he still provides something I want and I'm happy enough to stay for now.
Pisces
Well, I think that is the nature of the beast.
Sorry to tell you,you may be just a piece of a$$ and on the way out.
Edited 9/16/2008 11:31 am ET by oldlove2006
Hmm...I respect your opinion but disagree that "all men" think like this!