Q about communication
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Q about communication
| Fri, 08-20-2010 - 6:33pm |
I am seeing a SG where I vacation. It has been a very rocky road until recently. It began over a year ago and I have had problems with his communicating. He only communicates by IM. I have had to talk with him on several occasions about his lack of contact with me. I felt like I was more a booty call as we only got together for sex. I am 14 years older. A few months ago, I went to my vacation home (alone) and we got together. I told him I felt used and he asked why. I went through the whole thing about how he only contacts me and we have sex, how I write and he ignores me, etc. Since then he has been much better and contacts me every week (where before it could be every three weeks, even when I was there!-souch for wanting sex huh?). He also informed me he was "sort of seeing someone" the last time I was there and he "might feel bad" getting together. He continued contacting me though every day and we did end up together. Since Ive come home, he has been in touch at least once or twice a week. he knows I will be coming back in 6 weeks and sounds very happy about this and says things about seeing each other a lot, etc. He also is no longer with the GF.
So things are much better except I feel upset when I know he is online (invisible) and doesn't say hello when I am on, like he holds off for only once or twice a week. He did tell me once when we had a talk that he has to hold back because I am married. It bothers me because I cannot understand what is so hard about just saying hello and asking how my day is? It bugs me when I send him a note and he doesn't respond. It has always been this way since day 1. He says he hates drama and I believe he is a bachelor in his mid 30's because he wants things his way and doesn't want to have to answer to anyone and wants to do whatever he wants, when and how so I really do not want to bring this up again. Does anyone else have this problem where the guy picks and chooses when he wants to talk/see you? Every time we talk he is happy to talk and says he cannot wait till I get there. He has always been honest with me (to the best of my knowledge) and has told me if he is seeing someone, even if it is casual so I cannot get upset with him about that. He is being who he is. It just drives me nuts that he cannot simply say hello and I don't get what the big deal is unless he thinks he is talking to me too much or afraid he looks desperate???? Not sure. I find myself really liking him and very much looking forward to seeing him but this part of him annoys the crap out of me. Any advice, guidance, suggestions welcome!
So things are much better except I feel upset when I know he is online (invisible) and doesn't say hello when I am on, like he holds off for only once or twice a week. He did tell me once when we had a talk that he has to hold back because I am married. It bothers me because I cannot understand what is so hard about just saying hello and asking how my day is? It bugs me when I send him a note and he doesn't respond. It has always been this way since day 1. He says he hates drama and I believe he is a bachelor in his mid 30's because he wants things his way and doesn't want to have to answer to anyone and wants to do whatever he wants, when and how so I really do not want to bring this up again. Does anyone else have this problem where the guy picks and chooses when he wants to talk/see you? Every time we talk he is happy to talk and says he cannot wait till I get there. He has always been honest with me (to the best of my knowledge) and has told me if he is seeing someone, even if it is casual so I cannot get upset with him about that. He is being who he is. It just drives me nuts that he cannot simply say hello and I don't get what the big deal is unless he thinks he is talking to me too much or afraid he looks desperate???? Not sure. I find myself really liking him and very much looking forward to seeing him but this part of him annoys the crap out of me. Any advice, guidance, suggestions welcome!

Welcome to MAS nolove!
I think when he says he has to hold back because you're married, he means that you shouldn't expect him to act like he would in a "real relationship". That means he will not always answer your "hellos", although he seems to be making an effort to at least keep in touch more than he had been.
I think you have to step back and look at this a little objectively for a minute. He's single, he's said he likes it that way because no one can tell him what to do. He might like you a lot, but it could be more about sex than anything else - and maybe it is for you too. You have to ask yourself what it is you expect from this relationship. A friend that you like to have sex with? Someone to fall in love with? He may have looked at it and already decided that he can't fall in love with you and there can't be a future so he has to keep it light. It doesn't seem like he wants anything serious from anyone - you or a single girl.
So just try to forget about it when he doesn't ALWAYS answer you - at least he's trying to keep in touch and make you feel like more than a booty call. But don't expect too much. It is what it is - an A. You should expect respect, but maybe you're hoping for more than he's willing to give.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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