Q for Rain re: obsession
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Q for Rain re: obsession
| Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:01am |
Hi O-
In the 'obsessed' post you made this statement.... can you you explain/expand. I truly enjoy opinions. It is great to get a male's perspecive!
You say "They are interested primarily in the "chase" and lose interest when they feel they have "won". It is particularly true of men who either don't have feelings for a person or who are scared of the feelings they do have, though."
Out of curiosty, which group would you consider to be the majority in A's? The "non-caring" or the "scared of feelings".
Thanks much! :-)
V.

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Great questions... O- I am anxiously awaiting your responses to B's and my post....
Thx!
V.
As far as whether you should back off, it all depends. Is he worth it? I guess I never really understood why so many women have A's with men who are so emotionally unavailable. If you're not getting your emotional needs met at home, wouldn't you seek someone out who can better provide that to you? But I suppose we all find someone one way or another and if you truly want to progress with this man, then you're right. You should give him space and let him come back to you.
I don't think they are backing off to see if their feelings are real. I think they are backing off because they don't want them to be real. Obviously they often end up coming back anyway. But I don't think it is probably a need for self-analysis as much as it is fear.
Hope this helps.
MM, I was putty in his hands, his eyes looking into mine
said it all.
Maybe that is why it is so hard not to see them often.....you
think how wonderful that moment was, and want to think of
nothing else.
His kisses turned me on like no other, i guess that is what
i miss the most, e-mails and calls are nice, but the
physical side of the relationship makes me melt.
I want to ask you one more question.....do you think it
is possible for your "A" to develop into more..do men ever
marry or commit to their partner ever? My situation, both
married but neither have children..one advantage over
others. Why do we stay married if we are not happy anymore?
Is it the convenience, or the hastle of starting over? I would
start over if I was asked.....no hesitations.
Please advise, thanks
Bunny
As far as why you don't both just leave, I think it is a mistake to just leave a M and jump right into another. First it is important to go through some type of counseling to find out what issues led to the failure of your current M. Remember that at one time you felt strongly enough about this person to marry him. No matter what the issues were that led to the failure of that M, it is best to deal with them so you don't carry them over to your next R. Also, even without children, there is history there. Not always good history, but this is still someone you've known for a very long time.
Finally, you want to take your time if you ever do decide to move forward. Make sure this man is the right one for you. You don't want to be back in this same position in a year or three or five. Make sure you're doing what is right for you.
In my particular case, my MM came after me, not me after him.
I did not pick and choose, when I happend to meet him in
person after him being a client of mine for 3 years, I
melted. We had already had a business emotional relationship very
professional.
After we met, is when it happened for us. The physical
just overwhelmed us. After 7 months, we have gotten close
and I truly feel I do love him. We have never spoke about L word
nor would I bring it up. I want it to happen, if it is meant
to be. Neither one of us have kids, that is a plus to
my situation. So I don't know why women are with emotionally
tied men, mine was not, just business turned into physical,
into wanting to be with him always.
So then in a nutshell, they want to evaluate their feelings inside
privately? Then when they approach us again, they are feeling
more confident?
Thanks again
I don't even know what I am asking anymore. I think I'm just trying to gage his actions/non-actions.
Again, I am generalizing and there are always exceptions. I know in my case, I am much more like a woman in terms of how I express my emotions. But I am speaking of this particular type of man and what I feel are the reasons behind this type of behavior. Again, it is just my opinion.
My best advice would be to talk to him. If he truly cares for you, he'll understand that you need to know this. And if he doesn't, then he isn't worth your time anyway.
Good luck with everything.
I believe respect for your partner is very important.
How are you doing with your situation?I did not
realize (been away from the posts for a while) what you
have been thru......
Yours is unique...usually the men run away..not the women.
or so I have read
Are you doing OK?
Bunny
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