Q for those who reconnected aftr long NC

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Registered: 10-22-2003
Q for those who reconnected aftr long NC
7
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:50am
Short version of my story: XMM and I had a long distance, emotional A for nearly a year. We were best friends and soulmmates. We had everything in common, we loved each other dearly. His W found out about us - more than once - and in the end it got pretty ugly. In the last email I got from him, XMM told me he wouldn't contact me any more and asked me not to contact him any more either. He said he was doing it in part to protect me from his W (who he says is tracking everything now) and also so he can work 100% on his M. He asked me to work on my M too and we'll see where we end up (maybe back where we started).

I really shouldn't be asking this because I'm forcing myself consider my R with XMM to be completely and permanently over. However, his last email to me was titled "This is good bye for a while" so it kinda left the door open. What I'm wondering is: For those of you who reconnected after a long period of NC (ie several months) how did the reconnection come about? Who contacted who? Was it by phone, by email? Why did you reconnect?

XMM asked me not to contact him so I won't, no matter how much I might want to. But he knows me well and knows that I'm always here for him and that I'll always love him. I don't know that I'll ever hear from him again. As I said above, I'm forcing myself to believe I won't because that's the only way I can move on. At the same time, I'm leaving the door open if he wants to reach me. (Changed my home # but he can reach me at other numbers or through email.) Anyway I'd love to hear stories from people who did reconnect after time apart.

Thanks!

GB2

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Registered: 11-07-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:44am
Damn those half open doors!! So tempting to kick them open sometimes... LOL

I reconnected after a long NC. I did the initiating part (as usual). You see, I am very good at that...LOL. I sent an email to him saying I had found somebody else, goodbye and so forth. About my email - it was all lies, no iota of truth in them.. That made him blow his gasket.. He felt I belonged to him. This from a man who claimed "we were never more than just friends". Ha! I know, that was very conviving of me - but heck, it was better than cry my heart out every day for him. :(

So there you go on my re-connection story after a long NC. It can be good, well partially. Because the other part you are crying all the time. The good part is that it makes you re-evaluate your feelings/situation at home and think about things that went wrong and how they can be fixed. It can make you realize you have been missing something in your life. Its a two edged sword, it can kill and help you.



Edited 5/20/2004 9:49 am ET ET by fantasyhere


Edited 5/20/2004 9:53 am ET ET by fantasyhere

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anonymous user
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:32pm
I know you said MONTHS of nc... not weeks but since not too many people have replied I thought I would anyway :)

My mm ended our R after 6 weeks and four sexual encounters. Now that doesn't seem like much time together but it was fabulous sex and VERY passionate and intimate. But he said he felt guilty and that I was too close to his family (sons are best friends, I work for the same co., lived real close) He said he would come home after being with me and have to kiss his family and then see my son in his living room and he would see me. So we had a long talk and we parted "friends" although I cried every morning in the shower listening to Michelle Branch's Hotel Paper Cd. I cried less and less but at the same time within a week of us "breaking up" he started leading me on. He would say things to me on the phone (during a typical business call) and then go cold on me. I would get my hopes up then the next time we would talk he would not even act like we ever had anything between us. After I confronted him once on the phone about it he said "Well I guess I have to watch what I say to you" :(

But that didnt' stop him still. SO finally after about 6 0 7 weeks of normal business / sometimes flirt with me Contact... I said we needed a face to face talk. This kind of thing drives him nuts because he wants to know now...no surprises

It drove him crazy because I wasnt' going to talk over the phone

Finally he came down to my office an hour before I was to close and we talked over a small glass of wine. (plastic cups from opne house) I didn't expect much, just wanted to let him know that I was working on getting over "it" and him flirting was making it difficult.. I told him I missed him but time would help that. I expected to be let down gently ...you know. And sometimes it seemed like he was going to do just that.

He told me amoung other things that he missed me too, but he had deep feelings for his wife and always would. Then he dropped the bomb. He said he had deep feelings for me...deeper than i probably realized and he wanted things to go back the way they were! My chin I know must have hit the ground. All I could do was hug him and we started kissing. The feelings were overwhelming and I have never felt closer to him then that night. On the way home he called me on his cell just to tell me to look at the sunset and isn't it beautiful. This is a memory I will always cherish of him.

So I know we weren't appart as long and didn't have 0 contact, but it felt like a hundred years now that I look back on it.

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:41am
Thank you both for sharing your stories with me. DD - I know what you mean about it feeling like a million years. Tomorrow will make 10 days since I last heard from MM. It will tie the longest time we ever went without speaking. It feels like forever. I can only imagine how long forever is going to feel. It makes me so sad think about it.

Anyway, thanks again. And if anyone else has a story to share I'd love to hear it.

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:52am
Without going into detail - almost 2 years. How's that for NC?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:55am
THAT is a LONG time. I don't know how you did it! I understand you not wanting to re-hash the details, but I am curious about what happened to encourage the reconnection. I guess I wonder if XMM were to reach a point where he wanted to contact me after a serious amount of time were to pass, would he do it or would he hold back, thinking I'd moved on? I would hope he'd have the courage to contact me.

Anyway, thanks for sharing!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:51pm
We met 3 years ago, both single at that time. Feelings were so intense, almost uncontrollable that we rushed into a relationship, she was not prepared for that and it scared her. She ended it with me, abruptly, when I was least expecting it. Broke my heart to be sure. Then, shortly after, realized how wrong she was, tried to reconnect, didn't want to flat out ask me to take her back, was hinting, saying things like "let's be friends again", "I need your friendship." That friendship talk hurt me almost physically since I knew I would never be able to handle being her platonic friend and it never occurred to me that there was something more behind what she was saying. I was stupid, stubborn, angry, my pride and ego were hurt, I kept rejecting all her attempts at reconciliation all the while loving her more than anything. She finally gave up and disappeared from my life and only a year ago I found out from a mutual friend that she had married a very good friend of hers - a hasty, rebound marriage that would have never happened had I been more understanding and less selfish. Only then I realized that I had lost her and I went nuts. You say you don't know if your man would contact you after a long period of time thinking that maybe you'd moved on? Heck, I KNEW she'd moved on and I still contacted her! We started an affair which made us both miserable much more than happy. She is in a process of getting a divorce at present.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:08pm
We were together for almost three months and the guilt was killing him because he truly loves his w.We had a wonderful (but sad) 3 hour goodbye. It's funny, but I don't know why I didn't think of the goodbye factor when we started out?! I was glad we had soo many wonderful experiences together and I gracfully let him go. I got through the first 10 days with minimal problems and then it started killing me. I day I felt like I HAD TO TALK TO HIM, he called! It's been 6 weeks since we were last together. I'm almost afraid to see him again. this affair has mentally drained me. I feel like I need to just get back into my mother/wife mode and just remember the incredible times we shared. But the other side of me wants this fantasy life!

I know in my heart (and horoscope haha)I should move on because I have "healed" but my lust says, keep it cumming!!

I think you should do what you feel will be best for YOU!