A quandary!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
A quandary!
4
Wed, 02-27-2013 - 1:26pm

Ap and I met up last night and it was  wonderful as usual.  Wink  The only problem, apart from not being able to spend more time together is he keeps telling me how he's always loved me, and much as I like hearing that it takes me down the path of regrets, what if's and wanting more (ie to leave our rspective spouses and be together), which in turn leaves me feeling very sad and down. Frown I need to find a way to tell him tactfully how upsetting those words are for me and why without seeming to be angling for 'more' from him....help!

He is planning a trip away for us (just a couple of days) next month, should I wait and tell him then face to face? If I email now he wont be able to answer as he's staying with relatives (no PC and no phone...he's just bought a new one and is waiting for his number to migrate) and next week his W will be around.

 

katuk
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
In reply to: katuk9
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 11:47am

I think you have find it in yourself to accept the status quo, love and all, whatever he's able to give and share with you emotionally and physically, and deal with it on your own terms.

Yes, you can talk to him about this, but it'll be an artificial barrier for him. And if he does this, then what will be the next thing he'll have to watch out for.  Why would he walk on egg shells?

Underneath all this, it's the emotional challenge that's giving you pause, I'd assume. 

So, how can YOU deal with this, using acceptance.. and feel grateful that he feels like this for you and wants to share?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
In reply to: katuk9
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 5:55pm

Thank you Nevereasy your comments are always insightful. :-)

I suppose a lot of my difficulty comes from the history AP and I have and the fact when I told him I was marrying someone else (to get out of a very difficult and abusive homelife) he asked me not to, and with hindsight I know I should have listened. Frown

I'm very thankful for everything he shares with me now, even the difficult (for me) stuff like this...you are right *I* need to find a way to cope with it. Funnily I can cope with 'those' words when written, it's hearing him say them while we are laying in each others arms that seems to be getting more difficult at time goes on.

40 years of feeling our love for the other was unrequited just seems like such a waste. 

katuk
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2013
Sat, 03-02-2013 - 7:09pm

If I heard your words irl out loud I would cry :) 40 years of unrequited love....omg I want to cry now but I am hyperemotional! Let him in already and enjoy what you have been missing...life is too short!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
In reply to: katuk9
Sat, 03-02-2013 - 8:04pm

Hearbeat4u, I first met him when I was 15 and he was 18, and for various reasons we never told the other how we felt, then I married someone else to get away from the emotionally/physically abusive situation at home....fast foward a few decades and I 'found' him again, that was 4 years ago and we've been having an A since...now I say to people if you love someone tell them, don't make the same mistake I did...regret is a hard thing to live with. Cry

katuk