Question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Question.
11
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 1:08am
Here's a question...I've read many times on MAS that the primary communication for most A's is text messaging or emails, but not phone calls.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 1:26am
my best guess is that no one can hear you talking, so you can't get caught that way. I only talked to my AP, we didn't text at all, and only rarely emailed. That is what worked for us, others are different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 9:50am
It just seems safer to me to use e-mail. Of course NOTHING is completely safe, and if my H were to get suspicious, he could easily buy a cheap software program to break passwords and get into my e-mail. But he can't accidentally overhear me or see numbers on cell phone bills, etc., if we only use e-mail. We don't text either (but then, I rarely text). I HAVE called him if I had to cancel plans, etc. An occasional number on a bill will not raise flags - 10 times in one day WOULD.

Proud to be a





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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 10:24am

I think a lot of it has to do with how easily it is to look at the pattern of calling on a phone bill. This is true of texting as well.

My second ( sort of ) DDay was all due to my W looking at my cell bill and seeing TONS of calls and text to my AP phone numbers. My W even called her, but hung up without confrontation.

It's true that one could access e-mail and such, but that can be easier to hide, especially if you don't have a shared computer or you are very good about deleting your browser history.

I also think that sending texts/IMs allows lots of maintenance contact. I love getting/sending a random message during the day; especially on the weekend. I love when she calls me, which isn't very often outside of work, but I love getting a simple message that let's me know that I am on her mind.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 10:32am
I was just thinking about this last night as my AP/XAP (who knows at this point we're in a weird transition stage) talked on the phone. We RARELY talk on the phone ... we never email it is always text messaging or IM ... and when we have talked on the phone we are typically fighting over something such as the 'state' of our relationship .... Which I am SO DONE with trying to figure out ... anyway we actually talked on the phone for almost 3 hours last night .... it was great and refreshing and nice to talk to my friend ... not my AP, no drama, just nice conversation. I kind of forgot about that part. I feel more at peace today than I have in months ... that could all change in 10 minutes ... but I'll take it for now :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:04am
My AP and I love hearing each others voice so we are phoney ( lol ) people! We dont text-- its emotionless, very dry.I am single so me calling him doesnt come with the fear of phone bill.
We do text but its not our form of communication,its just to say sweet little nothings even when we are super busy- it brings a smile and lightens up the burden of the day.
I love saying good night to him .Might sound crazy but his tired voice is veeery sexy and gives me a high to sleep on the night ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:28am

This is interesting cause my AP and I talk alot on the phone and text.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:30am

It's rare that I call or text AP from my cell phone. I'll use a pay phone if necessary and if AP needs to

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:43am

When we were "just friends" we used to e-mail a lot. And we still do sometimes, but it´s mostly texting. We are in touch every day, several times a day and we see eachother at least once a week. If he is "on the road" we can talk on the phone for hours. Funny thing is, when we´ve spent two,three hours together and are on our way home, the first hing he does when he gets into his car is to call me. We talk all the way home. We´ve never discussed how to have contact or when, it depends on where we are and with who.

Edwina
Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:57pm
I can only guess that it’s the danger of being overheard, or phone bills providing proof of the A.
AP & I call each other occasionally and SMS more often these days. I archive all our SMS’s to each other.
We use IM a lot. I also archive our IM conversations every time. Whenever there are days when that feeling of insecurity is creeping up on me again or when I just miss him, I read thru the IM archive to make me feel better.
As for emails – not as often as I’d like to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: onaride
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 8:02pm

Wow, the evolution of a relationship.

When AP/BF and I were just flirting (way back when) and I was still with my H, he occasionally called me on my home phone. He wouldn't do it willy nilly, and I always made sure that I was in the tub, with the phone. My excuse to H was that I was waiting for a call from one of my sisters. Ok, then the proverbial sh** hit the fan, my H left me...I was paring down wherever I could and so dumped the landline (in retropsect, it would have been far cheaper to dump the cell and keep the landline..but whatever). Our next favorite method of communication then became calls from to/from my cell..he also has a "business" line that we used quite a bit. Then I learned about text messaging (I know, I feel like a big old fossil!) and that became the preferred method of communication. He's even phoned me from his home phone (which I'm not really crazy about) but I've never phoned him on that particular number.

The real breakthrough, for me anyway, is that he's finally broken down and got an email address...not only that but he's given it to me, and he really seems to enjoy sending me little notes through it. I like it because #1, it's free...and #2, you can say so much more in an email...and it's FREE!

Slightly OT...he's been away working but is on his way home...I'm to expect him around dinner time tomorrow. In the midst of our texting (he's on a boat) he's let it be known that his W has just left to go visit and so his house will be empty. He has, several times over the last three years, tried to get me to be with him over there...and I've always said no. Well, I'm ready to say yes. I want to see with my own eyes the truth of what he's been telling me all along...that they live separate lives. I want to see his bedroom, I want to see that it's his "bachelor pad". Heck, I just want to see.

I know I shouldn't, I've held off for three years because of it...but I think it might be good for him to see me in a situation where he can picture me as his wife....crazy?

benska

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