Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Question
3
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:19pm
I am a betrayed spouse....and I am trying to figure out if I should contact the other girl. Were any of you contacted by the wife? What was your reaction?

I don't mean to offend anyone...I am just trying to find some answers.

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 8:47pm
Hi Krisy,

I rarely post but decided to respond to your post. Now I am the first to admit that many times my opinion isn't one that is of the majority on this board. So when reading my response, you'll need to realize that you can easily get a very different viewpoint from another OW on this board.

I've been involved with a MM for over four years. I'm not hoping that he'll leave his W, and I am not jealous of the W, nor do I believe that she is a bad person. She is just his W. I also believe that if someone is married, then their vows are with their spouse and it is their responsiblity to honor those vows, not others. I was married many years ago and when my H cheated I didn't consider contacting the OW...she wasn't important to me. So I have been on both sides of the fence.

I wouldn't care if MM's W contacted me. Everyone in my life know that I am involved with him. I don't see him in secret, nor am I ashamed or afraid because I don't owe anyone (human that is) an explanation about how I live my life. So depending on what her questions, I'd answer. However, if she wanted to know something specific about her H, I'd probably tell her to discuss it with him. However, I wouldn't lie to her.

I have no anger towards the W and have no reason to be rude, but at the same time I do not believe that I "owe" her anything and would not put up with a "confrontation".

So, IMHO, if any BS wants to contact the OW, I'd just say be prepared for anything.

I hope this helps.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:05am
Thank you for your honest answer!
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
In reply to: krisyg
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 2:06am
Dear Krisy,

First of all if you are hurting i am sorry. i do lurk on the BS board because i have been betrayed in the past, and because i believe it helps me identify with all that MM W must be going through.

My MM's W knows all about me and has met me.

i think perhaps you should ask yourself why you want to contact the other girl. Do you want to hate her... like talk to her and give yourself rationale to HATE her? What if you don't hate her? Are you looking for details? Maybe talking to your H about that would be the best. Or do you just want to give her a piece of your mind to let it out??

Obviously, i have no problem talking with MM's wife. She's not thrilled with me but is civil to me. But i have a very WEIRD A going on. Even If this were a more "normal" A, i wouldn't mind talking to the W. i would try to answer her questions, show that while this isn't the perfect situation (the A) life sometimes takes us places we never aniticipated. But i too would encourage her to talk to her husband. Only he can say why he did it, what he was thinking, and how he wants it to end up.

sorry this wasn't very helpful. i have followed your story, and maybe your A is similar to mine, except my MM's W is more willing to let it go on. She acts like everything is fine. From the outside it seems like your H isn't willing to rebuild, but only you know what is best for you.

if you do end up contacting her good luck, but i think the answers you seek lie within your H.

Good luck to you Krisy,

Jenny