question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
question
4
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 10:05am
My question is:

OM says he's looking to fill the voids in his marriage. He's hoping we can be that for eachother. His needs are primarly sexual although he says he needs love and affection, and i know that my needs are deeper... i could not remain completely detached and only be a sextoy.

When a man says that he's looking for a sextoy but does make reference to affection etc... do you think he could develop something more or should i walk away with my heart intact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
In reply to: sadbuttru
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 11:08am
There is no denying, sex is a big part of an EMA. However, it sounds like he is not receiving the validation at home; praise for the things he does, concern when he is not feeling well or feeling a little down. It seems to me that men have a ego twice the size of ours, one that needs constant stroking - in short they are still little boys deep inside.

Nothing says you have to rush into a physical relationship with this man. He is walks away because you aren't jumping bed fast enough, then you know he was after one thing only.

Take your time and think from the neck up! Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: sadbuttru
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 11:23am
I would try to keep your heart intact to save yourself pain down the road. That's when affairs get painful, when feelings get involved. I am so there right now and it hurts so much. Thing is, with my OM, most of the relationship was based on feelings, developed through email! We hardly saw each other to be intimate regularly, 15 mins here and there, an hour max in my kitchen talking while my kids slept in the other room.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
In reply to: sadbuttru
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 2:51pm
Thank you for your replies. It is very helpful to hear from those that have been in similar situations. It is very difficult to separate myself from the potential of what could be...

I really appreciate every bit of advice/info you've given me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: sadbuttru
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 3:03pm
Hi Sad, I am in a sexual relationship where we are both trying to fill that particular void that is missing from our M's. As far as feelings, we are fond of each other, that's been said, never even close to the "L" word. As long as you're able to go along with no expectations you will probably be alright. Although we all get hurt, no matter what, we are women. But if you expect more from him than he's willing to give, you may be badly disappointed. I know its hard, I really like my MM alot, but I have no expectations. Of course because I am also M and not planning on leaving either. You didn't really say did you, are you single?
xxxx