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| Tue, 09-23-2003 - 4:50pm |
I hope that some of you don't take this the wrong way but I have to ask. How many of you embarked on your EMA's to find love? It seems to me, while I'm lurking that there are a lot of unhappy people here. Is there anyone on this board that is just having a wonderful time and enjoying the time spent with their MM. I'm not judging, I'm just trying to understand that if someone were so disappointed with their current situation, why would you stay in it? I love my H but my MM and I enjoy lots of conversation and Great sex (something that is missing in both our marriages). I guess I'm in a different place than most. I wouldn't want anything to change with my EMA. I don't loose sleep if I don't hear from him for a few days (which almost never happens) but if it does, It's all good! We both understand that we have other obligations to other people. I'm not bragging either. I'm just the type that if it hurts don't do it. NMR

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Annika
Brightest Blessings, Annika
Hi NMR,
No... I didn't get into my EMA looking for love... but it's what I found.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
Annika
Brightest Blessings, Annika
I know where you all are coming from and battle it daily.
I never thought in a million years that I would have an A. When MM and I met we weren't looking for that, it just happened. Many months later we are best friends, lovers, and eachothers support through good times and bad.
Like you annika, the thought of not having him in my life terrifies me, and it terrifies him, but we get through day by day and just hope for the best. We both love our S/O in some way, and don't plan to leave, and this is a first for both my MM and I. But nonetheless its hard.
I see his eyes when he finds out that I spent a weekend away with my H, or when I go out dancing. And he see's it in mine when I know he spent the weekend with is wife. But it's something we have to deal with. We speak everyday, and see eachother as often as we can which isn't often. Just yesterday he was worried about how I am doing, there are times I have guilt and he says he feels he should just say goodbye and let me go on in life. But I got upset and said that yes, there is time I have guilt, but the time that he makes me feel alive, wanted, respected, needed, and so on is so important to me that a little negative emotions at times is worth it.
When it started I was his buddy and he was my pal, and thats all it was going to be. But within weeks that changed and we were terrified and amazed at the same time.
At first I didn't know what to think, I wanted to stop it there and then thinking that what if one day I want more from him and jeapordize my family and his. But I did a lot of thinking, and realized to just take it a day at a time and to keep a proper perspective on things.
So, don't mind me rambling, but I know where you are coming from.
I wasn't looking for love, just friendship and sex, and I have found them. But I have discovered that as much as I though I could handle only that - I think it's in my nature to want more. I though I could just have great sex and enjoy it for what it is. But I'm finding it is hard to do it without feeling something more. I'm holding it in though. That's me.
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