I am a SW with MM and somewhat in a similar place like you.We dont take breaks.Period.We give each other enough breathing space to clear our heads which sometimes do get clouded. "and let him feel what is it like to have me gone." This can work both ways.he might feel this way or he might take it as disinterest from you and give up.And no, rules of break or break-up in an A are different from a traditional R. Does your gut say that your AP is feeding you lines? does he sound like a cake-eater? My AP and I have very open lines of communication and if something bothers me,i say it.this is a very important part of a any R--to be able to say what you feel.if you are not able to do that,then i am afraid,it wont work for long. Not playing games and being honest is very important in an A if you are in it for the long haul.
The breaks in your R don't really make sense to me. If he plans to leave his wife, why does he need any "breaks" to think about it when you live in different states and don't see each other that often anyway?
My guess is that when he REALLY thinks about leaving his family, it becomes a lot harder than he imagined. He may be getting cold feet about the whole idea. Even if he's not an out and out "cake eater" that never intended to leave, he might be dragging his feet because he realizes he really doesn't want to leave and handle all the repercussions from that. Maybe he's hoping by taking breaks you'll get sick of waiting and kick him to the curb - that would take the decision away from him and he could forget about thinking about leaving his family. Maybe he's afraid that if he just ends it with you, you will become angry and tell his wife everything - so he wants you to be the one to leave.
I'm just guessing here. My advice would be to handle a "break" the way you would handle any relationship break and let him see what life is like without you. If he really loves you that will wake him up! If he doesn't love you enough to go after you when you're cutting yourself off from him, then isn't it better to know that NOW and not waste more time?
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
I'm a MM having an affair with a MW for 3 years. For the past 2 years she has pressured me to leave my family and she will divorce her husband. I have always said I will no do this and if she must leave, it will break my heart but she should leave. Now it appears she is leaving and it's tough. It would be very easy to lie and to ask for more time - especially seeing how like me, she is married with children. But I won't. If I was serious about leaving my family it would happen in a single day. IMO I would have serious doubts regarding his intentions. Like me, he lies to his wife and family. He would certainly lie to you as well. I'd also tread lightly with a man who would cheat on his wife and then leave her for another. I speak from experience - I wouldn't recommend anyone wanting a relationship with me.
The way I see it, (I'm a WS who had an A with a single man) when xAP gets too pushy or demanding of my time. I would asked for a break. This usually make him understand that if he gets pushy like that he could lose me.
I hope your AP is not like that. Otherwise, you'll be tied up to this game of off-again/on-again forever until you decide to disengaged. Don't get me wrong, I used to tell him everything he wanted to hear too. So, don't be naive about this stuff and take all he tells you as "holy" truth.
Also, good idea to know where's your limit and detached when you've reach the point or you could waste a lifetime waiting for this fence-sitter to jump into your side of the yard. If a man is NOT happy in his M, he'll get out. The fact that your AP claimed to be unhappy even before you two got together BUT is still very much "IN" it is a BIG RED FLAG!
"and let him feel what is it like to have me gone." This can work both ways.he might feel this way or he might take it as disinterest from you and give up.And no, rules of break or break-up in an A are different from a traditional R.
Does your gut say that your AP is feeding you lines? does he sound like a cake-eater?
My AP and I have very open lines of communication and if something bothers me,i say it.this is a very important part of a any R--to be able to say what you feel.if you are not able to do that,then i am afraid,it wont work for long.
Not playing games and being honest is very important in an A if you are in it for the long haul.
The breaks in your R don't really make sense to me. If he plans to leave his wife, why does he need any "breaks" to think about it when you live in different states and don't see each other that often anyway?
My guess is that when he REALLY thinks about leaving his family, it becomes a lot harder than he imagined. He may be getting cold feet about the whole idea. Even if he's not an out and out "cake eater" that never intended to leave, he might be dragging his feet because he realizes he really doesn't want to leave and handle all the repercussions from that. Maybe he's hoping by taking breaks you'll get sick of waiting and kick him to the curb - that would take the decision away from him and he could forget about thinking about leaving his family. Maybe he's afraid that if he just ends it with you, you will become angry and tell his wife everything - so he wants you to be the one to leave.
I'm just guessing here. My advice would be to handle a "break" the way you would handle any relationship break and let him see what life is like without you. If he really loves you that will wake him up! If he doesn't love you enough to go after you when you're cutting yourself off from him, then isn't it better to know that NOW and not waste more time?
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
The way I see it, (I'm a WS who had an A with a single man) when xAP gets too pushy or demanding of my time. I would asked for a break. This usually make him understand that if he gets pushy like that he could lose me.
I hope your AP is not like that. Otherwise, you'll be tied up to this game of off-again/on-again forever until you decide to disengaged. Don't get me wrong, I used to tell him everything he wanted to hear too. So, don't be naive about this stuff and take all he tells you as "holy" truth.
Also, good idea to know where's your limit and detached when you've reach the point or you could waste a lifetime waiting for this fence-sitter to jump into your side of the yard. If a man is NOT happy in his M, he'll get out. The fact that your AP claimed to be unhappy even before you two got together BUT is still very much "IN" it is a BIG RED FLAG!
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