Question for all the MW's on this board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Question for all the MW's on this board
23
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 2:35pm
Ok--this is for all the married females out there. Whether you have a MM or OM please answer these questions. I'm curious!


1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 4:51pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM? We live about 8 hours apart. I do good to see MM 3 or 4 times a year. I am so jealous of all you that can see OM/MM often!!

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes? Most always.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved? Love is definitely involved.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you? No, neither one of us is prepared to leave right now.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you? He has before.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H? NO.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun? I am in the EMA for all of the above. I can do and say things with MM that I wouldn't DREAM about saying or doing with H.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying? Kids mostly. But there is that "what would the family think???" question that crosses my mind also. I have always been thought of as the "good girl" in the family. Only if they knew......LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:29pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM? 1 to 3 times a month

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes? Given the opportunity, we have sex!

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved? Right now it is only about sex - I think we are both trying to hold back on feeling more. (Not easy).

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you? No, I really don't think so. It would be so insanely complicated. I don't want to break up my family.



5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you? No.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H? Sometimes.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun? My marriage is not 'unhappy.' But there are certain things MM can give me that my husband can't. I'm still not sure exactly why I'm in it - I guess right now it's the sex and friendship. I'm not sure what it may grow into.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying? I still love my husband enough to want to stay. I love my kids and want them to be happy as well.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:50pm
For what it's worth, here's my experience...

1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

I see him 3 days a week...we work together.

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

So far, we've managed to get away for some alone time every day we work together. However, I'd say under 1/4th of the time, there's just holding and talking, no sexy stuff.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

It started out about sex - don't most of them!! - but we've been very fond of each other for a long time now; we've worked together over 1-1/2 years. I'm in love, he's not.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

Actually, I am leaving my M soon, but not 'for' OM, necessarily, although I hope he continues to hang around!!! I left my marriage, emotionally, before he and I started up together. OM is living with someone, and he's not made any commitment to me about leaving her once my D is final and I've told him I'm not asking him to. We both know that I need to spend some time dealing with the failure of my marriage before I jump into another longterm relationship.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

No, but he tells me how much he cares for me and, more importantly, proves to me with his words and deeds just how important I am to him.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

No. I feel a twinge of regret that the timing of this is as it is, but it can't be any other way.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

YES!!! I am in an unhappy marriage and I turned to OM for sex/flirty fun, realizing what a kind and decent man he is so I knew I'd receive kindness and consideration from him as well. I've gotten so very much more.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

H is out of work. I have a night job that pays better than anything I could get by day around here. I will be offering custody to H, so he has to be working so he can afford the house. I don't want to sentence my children to poverty just so that I can be happy. I can stay here, make the best of it, and once H gets a job (3 job leads right now, woohoo!!), then I'll go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 6:50pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM? I see MM on average about once a month... sometimes it can be more :) sometimes less :( really just depends on his work and our schedules.

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes? yes yes and yes!! ;) usually he will come to my place so yes... occassionally when I am in the city... I will see if we can meet for coffee and of course sex is out then.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved? initially it was all about the sex... but over time I've allowed myself to fall in love with him.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you? no!!

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you? no... but that does not bother me.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H? no

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun? I can't say it's unhappy... but it's got a lot of problems that don't seem to be getting fixed. All!! love, relationship, sex and fun :)

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying? I still do love DH... but not like I used to. He does have many faults, but he is still a good man and I do not want to take his children away from him and deny them all of that relationship. That doesn't mean I won't... for the last few years I have been preparing myself should I take the next step... I study and am confidant that I can stand on my own. I'm not scared of the money situation or of being alone. I guess I stay for our children.

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:02pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

I see him about 4-5 times a year. He lives in another state. We try and match up our business trips in order to see each other.

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

We've seen each other about 8 days the past 5 months and had sex 6 out of the 8 days.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

It's not all sex but I don't know if there's love there yet. We're both a little scared of this whole thing because of our strong attraction to each other.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

I honestly don't know. A part of me would like to say yes just to see what it would be like to be with him with no strings (our marriages).

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

No. We're not quite there yet.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

Yes, because I have a wonderful husband that I am (unfortunately) not in love with but he loves and adores me more than anything on this earth.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

I am in an unhappy marriage because I'm not in love with my husband. I am strongly attracted to my MM and enjoy the caring/flirting/and how he makes me weak in the knees.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

Guilt in not wanting to hurt my husband. I'm seriously considering it though so I won't hurt him anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:30pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

Usually twice, but talk almost daily.

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

Not all, but we usually do.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

Lots of love involved on both sides :)

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

Speaking from my heart, yes, but I know that will never happen.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

Yes, we recently had that break-through. It took us over two years in the A b/f we said it.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

Sometimes, but usually no. No longer in sexual relationship with H, which makes it easier not to feel guilt.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

Yes, in unhappy marriage, in love with MM.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

My H is my best friend. We have gone through a lot together. I don't want to hurt him.

Hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 11:39pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM? - Still fairly new, but probably 8-10 a month

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes? - just did for the first time! So we really don't have a pattern yet, but I would guess we won't have sex EVERY time, though we will want to :o)

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved? - More than sex, but not love -- who knows what will happen over time?! I do care about him though, as we have a strong friendship.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you? - NO! Actually, I am technically not married to guy I refer to as my DH -- we are engaged, and will be married within the next year, but have lived together for a LONG time. I do hope MM leaves his W though, as they are BOTH miserable (she is a good person, too). On the other hand, if MM leaves his W, I would probably see less of him, as he'd be a free agent and doing the singles scene.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you? - Not yet, everything's too new. I know he cares alot, though, as do I.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H? - Sometimes, more though when I'm not with him, and I think that I should be spending my free time with H instead.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun? - My relationship with DH is quite happy, which adds to my confusion as to why I find myself in another EMA (my second serious one). Love DH with all my heart, and look forward to having children with him someday. But with MM, I get the thrill of unpredictability and feeling sexy.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying? - Love DH immensely, as he is like a best friend and is very kind and loving. I also think that DH will be a fantastic father someday. Plus, have a lot of years invested in relationship with DH. Another factor is the financial security and lifestyle that DH's career will eventually provide us (I am a professional also, but his earnings will exceed mine greatly with every passing year).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:50am
Hi deepredrose: All very good questions, same tough ones I've asked myself over and over. I'll try to be brutally honest as this is painful but therapeutic:

1. See him about twice a week.

2. Usually once a week.

3. I love him deeply....

4. Very scary thought, and I've entertained it more times than I care to count. We both have kids who would be heart broken. I fear losing the love of my children over this. Also fear my H, but for other reasons (insanely jealous, bad temper). My heart says 'yes' while my head says 'no.'

5. No, and it hurts. He has told me once or twice he loves me and will write it in a card for instance, but not just spontaneously.

6. Yes, when I think about my MM.

7. Unhappy M, love the other one very much, but in a warped way, still have love for H.

8. Kids, financial, & a major "enabling"-type personality (i'm working on changing that).

****Thanks for letting me vent. ivirgogirl

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 11:51am
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

We get to see each other at least 6 times a month, sometimes more...depending on time.

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

We've just reached this point last night. He said he wanted to spend time with me 'without' always having sex so that I would know there's more to it for him than just sex <> It's SOOOOOO hard though, lol.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

There's definitely love involved.

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

I'd like to think I would, but honestly...I just don't know. I don't want to hurt anyone.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

We haven't reached that point yet...of actually saying it, I mean.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

Sometimes when he comes home from work and hugs/kisses me, sure I feel guilty, but then it quickly passes.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

Not in an unhappy marriage in the least, everything's not Perfect, but then again..nothing ever is. I'm in my EMA for sex/flirty fun but also love the relationship I have with MM, we can talk about anything, he's my best friend and I do love him.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

I stay because we have built a life together. We have three kids, who I don't want to hurt. The youngest is just three and I feel like she should have the experience of being a family and having her dad around, just like my older kids have had. Finances, of course play an important role as well.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:17pm
1. How many times a month do you see your MM/OM?

Five days a week, we work together. (This weekend I'll also get to see him on saturday)

2. During these times you see him, do you always have sex? Or just sometimes?

We still haven't done the deed.

3. Is your EMA about only sex, or is there love involved?

Ours is only emotional

4. If you MM wanted you to leave your M and he would leave his, would you?

I really don't know if I could/would.

5. Does your MM/OM tell you that he loves you?

He tells me that cares about me a great deal.

6. Do you feel guilty when you are around your H?

No, because this is actually helping our relationship.

7. Are you in an unhappy marriage, and in the EMA for love/relationship, OR are you just in the EMA for sex/flirty fun?

I don't think we have the perfect marriage(if there is such thing), but we work on it constantly and have an awesome sex life. We are very different people, but we love eachother so much that I don't think our differences will seperate us. I think I'm in for the relationship I have with mm too and flirty fun also.

8. If you are still in your marriage, what reasons do you have for staying?

Because I truly love my husband, and wouldn't want to break up our family.

So basically I've learned from this that I want to have my cake and eat it too. Why is that so much to ask?