Question for the APs on this board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Question for the APs on this board
3
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 3:40am

I posted a few weeks ago about my AP recently

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 7:32am

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair/?msg=49313.1


I hope you don't mind me pointing back to last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 3:13am

I am a SW in a R with my married BF for 18 months. I knew maybe six months or so into our R that I was falling in love with him. I knew I could not be the OW forever. I asked him about divorce. I don't want him to leave her for me alone, but I absolutely want to be with him after he does.

About three or four months ago he told me that he wanted to leave her in the spring. What have I felt since then? I felt relief at first. I feel determination to make it through until the spring. I feel fear that I will be one of those people who waits and then their partner doesn't follow through. I cannot over-emphasize how important that spring deadline is for me. I am absolutely focused on it. It is the only thing that allows me to continue in the R and make it through the difficult times. He and I talk about our future together, yet he goes home to his W every night. Because he has told me he is leaving her, because we are planning our future, I feel more slighted than I ever expected by the fact that he sleeps with her every night. Now that I am his future, I resent his M more than I could have predicted. I feel betrayed every time he takes her to a party or spends time with her, every time she interrupts our time together.

Once that promise to leave is made, it changed the way I viewed my role in our R. I still don't know how difficult it will be, once he leaves, to forgive him for these next few months. I hope we can make it. I don't know if we will.

Your AP likely feels like he is your future. He is your #1, because you are planning a life together, at least that is what you are telling him. If he trusts you, he believes you. And any time you take action that doesn't move you toward that goal, he absolutely is hurt and frustrated and confused. Where he sits, where I sit, is incredibly trying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 3:59am

Neither of you are guaranteed a successful future together and that is why the decision to end your M has to be squarely on your shoulders alone.