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| Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:36pm |
We all know that affairs require a tremendous amount of energy and, when you think about it, a certain amount of strength to maintain. Especially when you're married or involved with someone else. It takes a lot to keep the balls in the air. So why do so many of us think we don't have the strength to leave the relationship we're betraying? I'm no different. I was living with someone when I had my affair with a married man. At first it was a secret, but eventually I fessed up, which caused a tremendous amount of stress, strain and hardship in my home (understandably so). Although I definitely loved my BF, I had been with him long enough to know that the underlying things which led to me straying were never going to change, so I can't really say that it was just about love. I think it was more about not wanting to change my lifestyle, which was very, for lack of a better word, materialistic. I liked the vacations, the spas, the jetting about, the huge house, the clothes, the dinners out, all of it. I didn't want that to end, and I knew it would be cause I certainly don't make that kind of money. I also didn't want to be alone, and I knew AP would never leave his marriage. Actually, I didn't even want him to. I never envisioned a future with him. For one thing, he was way different than me. I have a Master's Degree. He barely graduated high school. I had no children. He had five. We had absolutely nothing in common save a lot of misery at home and an enjoyment of each other sexually.
When I finally did leave, I was able to see that though my life changed, it certainly didn't fall apart. I not only had the strength to leave, I also had the strength to end the affair. I can't say I don't regret having the affair, because I do. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't. Because I hurt someone else in the process. Actually, two other people. My BF and his wife. So I can't look back on something that caused harm to others as something good, even if it felt good at the time.
So I ask you ladies (and gents).....why do we think we don't have the strength to leave? Why is it easier for us to live a double life than to make a choice?

Hi
Well I confessed to my DH about my A..I couldn't go on living a double life and the guilt was really getting to me.
Yup...I can definitely identify with all the highs.
It took awhile for the smoke to clear and for me to really see the whole truth about the affair I had. We kid ourselves a lot when we're in the affair. We have to in order to live with ourselves. When I was in it, I felt "entitled". Like I had the right to be happy because my BF was making me so unhappy. But what I see now is that I was really just being selfish. I was really just thinking about myself. What I want, what I need, me, me, me. Affairs are really very selfish in their nature. We don't think about their spouses, their kids, our spouses, our kids. It's just all about us. And we don't even realize we're being selfish because we're just so wrapped up in it all. I don't knock anyone for having one because that would be calling the kettle black. I'm just glad it's not me anymore.