Question for the guys on the board
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| Sun, 08-22-2010 - 2:27pm |
I am trying to figure out what's going on inside my AP's head, so a little guy perspective might help, but I'll take feedback from anyone :)
My AP and I reluctantly decided to go NC for awhile until we both are able to be free of our current relationships. It was more his idea than mine. We agreed that it would be very difficult for us both, but that it had to be done for the time being.
We have done this before due to both of our significant others finding out, and a lot of drama started to happen.
He said he would contact me after awhile when he got his life in order and that it may take a few months.
He said it would just take time, but in the end, it will all be worth it when we can finally be together - the right way.
Funny because he was always so eager to talk, see me, and i really got a strong impression that he really cared for me... and then he decides we need the break for awhile.
Is this a way for him to just 'vaporize' without being the bad guy or hurting me? Or does he just need time?
If he didn't want to ever be with me, I think he could have just said so, and ended things for good but who knows...
So hard to know what's going on in his head since we decided to go NC.
Can a guy really go NC like that for an extended period of time and be okay with it? Especially after sharing so much together?

Hi there ..hi_there !
I'm not a guy but I have heard of people ..men and women doing this before.
Thanks for your response.
We did actually put a time frame on it of about 4-5 months. It's been awhile since then, about a month and a half.
We agreed to cool things off and go NC for awhile. There were too many Ddays that were happening on his end.
I am married but am in the beginning process of a divorce and he has a live-in girlfriend. He says he doesn't want to be with her, but then I still see pictures of them together, looking happy on facebook, (on her page, not his) which makes this whole thing worse and makes me question if he really does plan on ever leaving her. I know that 4-5 months is still far from now but I read in an article somewhere that if the man doesn't leave his significant other within about 3 months, he never really will... Not sure how true that really is...
I don't want to be just some option "just in case" they don't work out but... Then I think about what he said... He made it VERY clear that he wanted to give us a chance. He said all of this temporary NC will be worth it one day.
Sigh.
Maybe that's just a line.
Like I said, I don't know.
I guess if it's meant to be, it will be.
Hi songbird ...
As a man, honestly, I don't know. This really could go either way. It could be his way out without being a bad guy, or it could be truly genuine.
In my situation, I cannot see myself just up and leaving my wife for AP. While my feelings for her are strong, I just don't know how long-lasting they are. So, if things continue down this road, I could see myself wanting a break to see if my marriage is really worth saving. I would hate to leave my wife for AP, only to find out that my feelings for AP (or her feelings for me) aren't real. And time may help answer that question.
Hope this helps
Thanks for your reply mrB
You said that only time would tell regarding how you felt regarding AP. Would being apart/taking a break give you that clarity, vs. seeing one another regularly? It seems like we are lost everything by going NC, it almost seems like a breakup although he said it was temporary. I'm must trying to figure out if that really is the reason he needs the break, but like you said, hard to tell.
One thing that I forgot to add, was that he was very eager to turn the EA into a PA, which happened only one time. He was eager to meet again, but then the drama started with his significant other (they are not married) and we never met again before deciding on NC... If it WERE just about sex for him, wouldn't he be doing everything he could to have that again? Why so hot and cold? He wants to meet up again, then decides on NC for months?
Is it possible that he realized it was more than just a fling (sex) for him and he wants to do this right? Have a relationship? Or is it more likely that he's trying to nicely end it?
I'm having the hardest time not talking to him, and being in limbo like this is so hard.
Although he said he'd be thinking of me the whole time apart, it would be nice to hear from him.