question for the long timers..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
question for the long timers..
6
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:37am
i am going to try to keep this from being a book so I will give you the readers digest version

Yesterday MM said he was trouble for me basically I took it as he was bad for me.

so my question is this, how do I prove to him that I am a big girl and capable of making my own decisions regarding this A?

I will also add that he is having a few problems at home with the W? I have been laying low to give him time to work those issues out by no pressure from me, keeping my opinions to myself etc.

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks

Sb

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 9:43am
Sb,

My first impression is that your MM is wanting some space so he said he was bad for you. This makes it seem like he is protecting you rather than telling you he needs to take a step back. He definitely needs to work on his issues at home and you are wise to give him this space. Just be there for him when he needs you and don't make a big deal out of proving to him you can handle things. He probably knows that you can. I just wonder if he can. Good luck with everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 1:21pm
thanks for the reply omaha,

the way it is looking he cant handle it all.

but again thanks

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 2:52pm
hi seeburg. yeah honey he is "trouble" for you. but his version of trouble is that he's unsure about the A with you and is probably feeling guilty too so he wants to withdraw and think about it awhile. at least he's given that much of a heads-up, instead of just disappearing from your life while he figures out what he wants.

give him his space and do your best to distract yourself and keep busy. do whatever makes you happiest -- take a walk, read a book, go to the spa, retail therapy, cook, whatever works for you. make this break in the R time for you.

MM will be back in contact as soon as he doesn't feel guilty anymore and/or he wants the attention and affection you give him. they all come back....

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 3:18pm
My OM said the same thing to me and we argued about it but in the end I couldn't convince him that I knew what I was doing, so we broke contact for about 6 months and then one day I emailed him and we picked up once again. My story is complicated and someday I hope to post it all here.....

Give him some space and sort things out in your own mind, too. It seems impossible but you will survive!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 3:19pm
Dear SB... Please don't take this as a nasty comment. I truly don't mean it as that. But it has been my experience that if someone tells you he (or she) is "bad" for you or will be "trouble" for you, it usually turns out to be true and you should heed the heads up. That doesn't necessarily mean walk away, though. "Trouble" could mean many things: he might be warning you that he's a total jerk; or he might mean that he's incapable of feeling for you what he thinks you might be feeling for him; or he might mean that all he's looking for is a fling and you might wind up getting hurt; or he might mean that the very nature of an A will bring heartache and confusion to your life; or he might mean that the two of you wll wind up on a cross-country crime spree that will end up with you plummeting to your death in the Grand Canyon. My thought is that it might be good for you to fearlessly examine how well you know him and what he has revealed of himself to you. And I mean fearlessly; don't let your perceptions be colored by the excitement or the passion or even the love. If you can look at him under a bright light with eyes wide open and can know in your heart that he's not a jerk who's just out to get laid, then you probably can assume that when he says "trouble" he's really expressing concern for your emotional health. Long winded way of saying, if he's giving you a warning, listen to what your heart tells you to do, then follow it but be sure to also protect it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 6:17pm
HI life

thank you for responding to my post, i am grateful for the responses i have gotten, i have read alot of your posts and trust you opinion.

I am a little leary of posting all of my thoughts here, because i that he does read here and is also a member in the chat room, and the last thing i want is for him to think i am being whiney. hehehe

I do sense that he is pulling away, not calling like before or emailing as much, so do i keep emailing him or should I just wait it out or what?

I will add that I do trust him and I know that he loves me.And I love him and he knows it.

I was suppossed to go get my depo shot today but after I got in the parking lot at the Dr. office I backed out. So I am a little confused and scared of the unknown at point.

I have tried to get him to talk to him but he doesn't want to and I have not pushed.

THanks for letting me vent

SB

 Seeburg