Question for mefreenow

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Question for mefreenow
6
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 11:02pm
Hello mefreenow,

I wasn't sure where to post this, since you seem to be all over, but...

Would you be willing to share your story with me? If you're not comfortable (or maybe you have already done so) sharing here, and you want to, I would welcome your email to kimgagne1122@yahoo.ca

I mean, you pop up in places - and I did appreciate your link to another message board for marriage rebuilding - but you don't seem to really offer much other than critism to the girls and guys here. Kind of on a band wagon, so to speak.

We are here for support for whatever situation is going on in our lives at this point, not to preach about what we should be doing. We all know the difference between right and wrong and we don't need someone else to spell it out. We are just looking for either a "shoulder to cry on" or "a friend to laugh with".

I mean no disrespect, and I kind of get the feeling that you may be the BS in whatever your situation is or was. However, we all have our own demons to deal with, whether it's an EMA or something else - so with that said, I'm sure that you also may have "skeletons" in your closet and wouldn't want a stranger (or anyone else for that matter) pointing them out.

Like I said, I really did appreciate your direction, but maybe (and this of course, is just my opinion) you should stick to doling out advice in the "Ending an Affair" Support board.

Red

PS To anyone else that may read this post... If I'm out of line or you disagree, I can accept the critism. I haven't been here that long, so maybe I don't know the whole story. I am in a mood tonight!



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:06am
WTG Red...

I agree with ya...

=)

~Laurie~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 5:16pm
HI Red

Sorry your wrong, I am or rather was the W/S twice over in fact ended the second one a couple of months ago.

I don't critisie I caution based on experence and a lot of it.

If you have been around for a while you will conclude that Affairs are not for the meek at heart and people need to understand how hard they are to be in and how much harder they can be to get out of.

As your Affair is ended why do you have the right to be here and I don't , a bit of a double standard don't you think.

Thank you for your interest, but I will have to choose were I post for myself.

Have a nice day

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:22am
Good morning mefreenow,

Well, I find that very interesting. The fact that you are yourself the W/S.

As I said, I meant no disrespect. I am not telling you that you shouldn't be here, and I myself was not going to post here once my A ended, but I was invited by numerous other lovely girls here to continue.

Those of us on this board are all obviously living a harsh reality. We know that.

All I was saying was, as good as your intentions may be, that your advise comes across as harsh and judgemental. Since you have been in similar situations, you obviously do have a lot of experience, and many of the people here could benefit from that. Instead of inflicting your opinions in a way that makes us feel worse than we already do about ourselves, maybe you could share your experience and tell us how you personally handled certain aspects of it. I know myself, would appreciate knowing how you coped with your "break ups". It is very difficult.

I am in a position right now, where I don't know what feels worse - the break up of my A and the thought of never seeing my XMM again - or the pain and anguish I have caused my H with the telling of all my secrets. My emotions are over the top!

I hope you have a good day

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:35am
HI Red

I tend to be a fairly blunt and honest person these days sorry if this makes some people unhappy.

To your question of the breakup, there is no easy out when the A ends you go through emotional withdrawl and nothing but TIME and TOTAL NO CONTACT helps, Anti- Ds can help level things off but are not a cure.

What your going through is the very reason I advise people not to enter a affair unless they are really prepared for the whole deal, it is not all fun and games as you have just begun to understand.

It is better to solve the problem in life rather then to create new ones

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:53am
That is true, but you need to remember your audience. Most of the people here are already in A's. So telling them that having an A is wrong is pointless. Unless someone comes on here asking whether they should start an A.

I think being blunt can be useful at times. But it is always wise to use tact and to be friendly in the process. You can do both.

I actually completely agree with you that A's are in general a bad thing that should be avoided at all costs. I agree that you should resolve your current R and then move on to find someone you are more compatible with. But the fact remains we are all human and we all make mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them as we move forward. And again, most of us are already in the situation we are in. What we need now is advice and more importantly, support. Not blind support that suggests whatever we do is okay. But support that helps us understand that even when we make mistakes, we are still worthwhile people who deserve happiness.

I guess I would make this analogy: If you come upon a man who is starving because he is an alcoholic who lost his job, it wouldn't do any good to lecture him about the evil of alcoholism. He's already too deep for that to do any good. What he needs is a meal and some help. Just something to think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 6:44pm
Hey Oma

I all most never post to people in affairs just to them considering them, from time to time I may offer advice to them who ask for it but not that often.

F