Question for people in long term A

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Question for people in long term A
9
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 9:54pm

I have a question for

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 10:06pm

Definitely in your shoes..we have no intention of leaving either. Well at least I don't...AP may go but that's his own drama. ;)

I really don't have any advice except the obvious...stay busy. I'm going through the same thing...always last but even "more laster" since the wheels are coming off his marriage and they started counseling last Monday. His emotions are so raw..and I am to "be patient" Ugh...

Unless advised differently by the gals here...I guess I'm just gonna back off and wait it out. I really don't have much choice and neither do you really. You can't control what's going on at his house (but wouldn't it be great if we could (evil laugh). I'm gonna have to see for myself if he'll come back to me. It'll kill me if he doesn't but I guess I get over it :(

no answers here but you are not alone!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 9:34am

For me, I know that when these things come up for AP,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 2:27pm

My situation is very similar to yours, so I can empathize completely! Sometimes it makes me wonder why we began this in the first place, but of course when I see him, the glow stays with me for a bit, then wears off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 3:24pm

Like the other posters I don't have very much to add except to say that I understand. My A is also LD and just about to hit 8 years. When he has to pull away due to other stresses of life I try just to remind myself to be patient.

It helps when I step back and look at AP as if he was a close friend or family member who I don't/can't hear from for awhile. For example, my best girlfriend, who is also long distance from me, just had baby #3. I certainly have things I want/need to talk to her about, and want to be there to help her out; but bottom line she's busy and I live to far to just pop in and physically b there to help her. It isn't that she doesn't want to talk w/ me and laugh/counsel/listen to my circumstances; but other things are taking focus at the moment. Yet I don't stress that she loves me less, or suddenly stops liking me, or that she's going to sever ties w/ me. So I try to remind myself, If I can feel confident with that then I should attempt to have confidence that it is the same with AP. I know that in a few weeks best friend will find her routine and we'll be better able to return to our communication and connection.

I say this is what I try to do b/c I know I still get insecure sometimes, and in A's I think we start to worry "What ifs" a lot. Specially "What if" there's a D-day or he decides he only wants wife again. That possibility hurts, but at the end of the day if I care about AP as much as I say I do; that has to include wanting what's best for him. Even if what is best means he can't be in my life anymore. I DON'T want that, but its always a possibility.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 7:02pm
For whatever its worth, its the same from the man's point of view chooch (at least this man).....the times we spend together are far and few between, and we communicate between meetings as much as we can, but there are MANY times I miss her terrribly and want to be with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 04-30-2010 - 10:39pm

kpbaby I

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 12:31am

Thank you to everyone for responding and sharing your experience!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 10:44am

i agree with all the posters.. if you are here long enough, you'll see how there are various approaches but the ones who stake claim to a long-term affair are the ones who can pull back and give their

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Sat, 05-01-2010 - 2:20pm

Wow - I'm new here and this is exactly what I'm going through. I've never had an affair before, so this is all so new. My MM didn't have time to see me last week and I was so sure it was over... It feels SO good to see that I'm not the only one. At the same time, I need to focus on my own family while I'm away from him, but it's so hard, especially since we just had sex for the first time a little over a week ago.

I'm so glad to find people who are going through the same thing and see that he's not being irresponsible about us... And see how I should act, too. (No nagging! I did tell him that, thank God...)

Being away from him sucks... I guess that's one of the downsides of not being their primary relationship (he's not mine either...). Great posts.