Question to some that may apply...
Find a Conversation
Question to some that may apply...
| Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:10pm |
If you have no desire to leave your W/H but would like to continue your EMA, how do you tell the MM/MW without having it affect the relationship?
How do you find that "comfort-level" to know that you can never be together but still be able to love each other? Especially when you realize that you are soulmates even though you have to accept the responsibilities around you?

For me, it was SO freeing to get it all out there in the open from the beginning.
T.
**Terri**
I don't post here often, but I do read the posts. Yours was especially meaningful to me, because I feel I have been so blessed to have the relationship I have with my MM, who is without doubt my soulmate. He's not leaving his wife, and I accept that I will be "single," at least as far as the rest of the world is concerned, probably for the rest of my life. I don't know that there's a magic formula for accepting the circumstances of these relationships, but I think of him as my best friend with whom I also happen to have glorious, magical sexual encounters. Instead of focusing on things like "OK, I'll see him Tuesday night for an hour and then Thursday morning, and he'll email me three times a day and we'll talk on the phone every other day" or whatever, try to think of every encounter and every period of time apart as part of the big picture, the cycle. The one thing I know about this relationship that has been different from all my other past "regular" relationships is that this love is so strong and the connection so complete that he is with me even when we're not together. I've been in the room with men who I supposedly were in love with and still felt alone. With this man, I never feel alone, even when I don't see him for a day or two. I don't know if this would help you, but we had a private handfasting ceremony, in a park at dawn, where we committed to each other while still recognizing his other relationship. It helps that WE know we have that committment; our vows define our relationship. (I'd be happy to share them with you if you're interested in what a ceremony like this would look like.)I've posted some of this before, but if it might help you, I hope no one minds that I've repeated myself. And this has always been very important to me in this relationship. On the rare occasions when I might feel hurt or angry or when some petty jealousy makes me forget what this man means to me and how much we have together, I always go back to this Bible verse: "Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." It beings me back to earth and soothes me. I hope this helps. Sorry for the rambling post.
Rent, or buy, the movie: Same Time, Next Year. It's an oldie that just got released on DVD. It shows a couple that has an affair once a year, on the same weekend, for over 30(?) plus years. It is a wonderful movie about this exact topic: soul mates who meet and happen to be married to other people . . .
Your post made me laugh because my MM and I laugh about how it won't be until we are in our 80's that we can be together! LOL! We often fantasize about being together but we are both fully aware of how little (practically non-existent) this possibility is so we sweep it aside as a "dream."
Your insight regarding your relationship helped assure me in this difficult situation that we juggle. THANK YOU. It helped to hear your situation. I have been through the major highs and lows of being ecstatic when I am with him and miserable when I'm not. After a year and a half, you realize that there is just a simple comfort for having each other. It's heartbreaking and frustrating but the sacrifices that have to be made are just too great. I can't leave my husband and he can't leave his son. He says that if it wasn't for his son, it would be a different story but we have to accept his responsibility as a father and his need to be there for such a young son.
Thanks again for the insight! It is helping me through this "acceptance" process that "we" may never happen but we can find a comfort level in the love that we have and the belief that we are soul mates.
I am going to run out and look for that movie ASAP:-)!