question for SW involved with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
question for SW involved with MM
17
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 9:09am

I wanted to try to get into my SM's head and thought Id ask the single women here a few questions in that attempt.


How long have you been with your MM?


How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you?


Do you tire of always being second?


Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? Does he know?


Do you tire with his schedule always coming first and sometimes think about finding a single man to be with and ending the A?


I know,lots of questions. I am just trying to get a glimpse of what might go on his head. Thanks in advance.


~Layla~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 11:04pm
No, us leaving our marriages was never anything we talked about as an option. I have no plans on leaving my M and he is fully aware of this.
~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 12:19am
ok.see what you mean.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 9:40pm

How long have you been with your MM?


We have been together about two and a half years, with a couple of months of being apart in the middle.


How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you?


Sometimes I don't handle it very well.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 2:26pm

How long have you been with your MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 3:49pm

"I especially have a hard time when I know he is with his W." my dear, i could identify with this one. when i was involved with x-mm, i used to cry many times when i thought of him making love to his wife. God, help me NEVER TO GET INTO THIS SITUATION AGAIN.

"I have ended our A before but we can't seem to stay away from each other." that was the same thing with me. the relationship lasted 10 years. 6 while he was married (emr) and the last 4 years, he was separated. during the 6 years, i ended it 2 times and we went back together BEFORE he separated from his wife. i left him when i became exhausted from reasons and explanations about him taking a long time to start filing for the divorce.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 12:45am
How long have you been with your MM? Not long. Just a couple of months.

How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you? We work together so even when four or more days will go by where we can't get together alone, we are still seeing each other everyday. We also still talk or text daily, so when I can't actually be with him I just do other stuff with my free time and look forward to calling and texting.


Do you tire of always being second? I don't think of myself as second because I know that MM's daughter is the only reason he stays. He was ready to leave his girlfriend before she got pregnant, and he is not shy about how unhappy he is in his R. I guess it would be safe to say that I come second to his daughter, but I'm a single mother and any man I date will always come second to my kids, so I identify with that and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel second to his girlfriend at all though.


Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? Does he know? Yes, I have a very active social life where I hold myself out to the world as a single woman and he knows it. This is neither of our first times in an A, and I think deep down we both know that we're still in the honeymoon phase. He has already told me once that he wishes he didn't have to share me, which is at odds with him saying that he's happy that I don't expect too much from him. Whatever. As long as he is spending his time away from me with another woman, I will feel free to conduct myself any way that I please when I'm away from him. I'm woman enough to admit that it's still early and my feelings might get involved and stop me from wanting to date other men, but I'm so not there right now.


Do you tire with his schedule always coming first and sometimes think about finding a single man to be with and ending the A? Well . . . his schedule most certainly does not come first. He's actually more available than I am. As I said before, I'm a single mother and I have the sole care of my kids 4 days a week. XH takes them 3 days a week and those are the nights that I can have MM over. He is NOT going to be meeting my kids, and I was clear about that with him from the beginning. So it's really my schedule that comes first although I do roll with the punches when MM is not available on a night when I am.


As for whether I'd like to find a single man to be with and end the A . . . right now, no. I don't want a committed relationship right now. I'm pretty fresh out of my own failed marriage (which ended for reasons not related to any A) and I don't want to become someone else's other half. What MM can give me is all I really want from a man right now, so I don't have a desire to meet a single man and end things with him.


I know,lots of questions. I am just trying to get a glimpse of what might go on his head. Thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 9:11pm
look for my post-"what type of single o.w. are you?
k2002
k2002

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