Question for those in LDA...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Question for those in LDA...
3
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 5:29pm

For those of you in a LDA…how do you do it? I met my AP when I was going on a business trip. He was on his way home from a business trip. Since that time, we have only met up once – when I went on another business trip and he flew cross country and spent a long weekend with me there.


He is S; I am M. He may be travelling this way some time in the coming months – but if not, we will plan to meet up somehow. So – what do those of you in a LDA do? Do you make up a business trip or out of town story? How do you deal with the guilt? At this point in time, as crazy as it is, I don’t feel as though I have outright lied to my H. I know – that’s crazy – because obviously I am in an A, and there is a whole side of things that he doesn’t know about – but I haven’t had to make up a story to cover anything yet. I think that helps with the guilt – I am still able to compartmentalize everything and separate out the A from my “real” life. That is not to say that I don’t think about him; because I do – I just keep him in a compartment. Does this even make sense to anybody? LOL.
So…anyone?

LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 8:14pm
My AP lives in another country – you can’t get more LD than that. We’re both married – he has 3 kids (1-1/2 and 2 teens), I’ve got 2 (16 & 21). We met over 20 years ago when I was newly married he was still single. We reconnected on an online social network. Now, LDA’s been going on for about 7 months.
When our A was fairly new, I did go on a business trip for a week and we saw each other a few hours each day while I was there. I should point out that plans for this trip actually started a couple of weeks before we reconnected (before our A started). I went on another trip 3 months later, saying to H that I needed to finalise transaction documents of the previous trip, although things could have been done by snail mail. This was for another week - we spent most days together and, unlike the one before, we even spent each night together, coz his family went on a vacation in their hometown (miles and miles away from where we were at.)
It’s VERY difficult for him to come here - it has to be for official business, otherwise it would be next to impossible. The likelihood of coming here on official business is slim too, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
We both don’t feel any guilt at all about our A. People might wonder why we don’t just end our M’s. His life/career is a real complicated mix, but he said that he’s doing everything so we could be together eventually and I realise that this would take some time. So for now, we’re taking a day at a time – communicating via IM, sms, emails and phone calls – relying on his word that he’s doing all he can for our future together and I gave him my word that I’ll wait for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 8:25pm

I met my AP on a business trip as well. He's on the East Coast, I'm in California.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 9:51pm

We're not as "LD" as some of you.

anotherseyes