A question of trust ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
A question of trust ????
15
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:54pm
IS, ARE YOU HAPPY HE TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS WEBSITE ? OR DO YOU WISH HE KEPT THIS TO HIMSELF ? By your response to NRY , it is hard to tell . Plus I sometimes wonder how much I can trust my other man. Thanks...

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 4:30pm
Hmmm. I know this wasn't directed at me, but since I am the subject, I felt compelled to respond. First of all, IS intended her post to NRY to be sarcastic. She wasn't feeling seriously threatened. I know this because we talked about it.

As far as trust goes, I may not have the greatest track record, but I have learned from my mistakes and my bond with IS is stronger than anything I've ever felt. I'd rather die than ever hurt her.

Anyway, I'll let IS give you her answer as well. I just wanted to offer my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 4:33pm
.


Edited 4/24/2004 4:20 pm ET ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 4:55pm
I am just so torn in this relationship . I mean no dispresect to OhamaMM, Or rainingconfusion , or lostvayage. No disrespect to anyone . For I am no different. I just am so confused , don't know what I feel anymore, I have been here for a long time . But finally decided I have to let my voice be heard with honest responses. because I think I am going crazy sometimes with this secret life. Thank you all of you !!! RCDIVA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 5:53pm
RCDIVA

I am glad he told me about this board. He told me that he went on here from time to time, and I actually ASKED HIM if he would send me the link. It sounded interesting and the people sounded understanding. And NRY... it was totally meant to be sarcastic. guess i should let you all know me a bit better before i start typing away with my sarcasm... i felt she knew that though... typing is funny like that. I totally trust omaha, he knows that... has your OM done something to make you NOT trust him before? otherwise what is it about him or the way he acts to make you think that? communication is the key element there i think... :S

anyway... i'm out!

IS

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 6:03pm
I am aa very trusting person and I trust him most of the times. However, something that happened yesterday seems to be resonating in my mind. We were talking "alone" for a while in front of his friend and obviously flirting a little. His friend doesn't approve of us all that much and left the place in a huff. My OM dropped my like a hot potatoe and went to confess what he was doing with me like he needs to explain everything to his friend. I don't know why he has to confess to his wonderful friend feel so guilty about taking to me to talk to me. What is wrong eith him? Why is soooooooo GOD DAMN scared of his friend??? ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!@!!!! I hate this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 6:13pm


IS -

First off let me tell you after more than 6 months on this board it was your MM and Rain that made me realize more things than ever. I love the way both these men are so in tune with feelings.

Back to your question about my MM. He has never made me doubt him except for the fact that he pursued me and I have been married 8 years and him only 3. He started this when he already knew his wife was preganant which I did not find out until later. So what did he do to make me not trust him ? He came onto me , while being married and another baby on the way . He is away on the East Coast for the business , and I just have to wonder how much I can trust him . Also how much do I trust myself ? I am no different . Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 6:22pm
IS?? what is IS? I don''t think I am IS, if you are talking of Omaha's GF. God this board so confusing to understand. You post a gripe and all you get is more confusing answers. Weird.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 6:27pm
OPAL FIRE,

PLEASE EXCUSE ME ! I am new to this board !!! My god have SOME compassion for the new people . I do not know how to change the name about who this is directed to . I started this post so I figured it is just all the same . DONT FRET HONEY . I KNOW YOU ARE NOT IS !!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 7:45pm
Well, first, thanks for the kind words.

Second, hello IS... very nice to have you join us. Congrats, I think you two are now the resident couple of our little outpost in cyberspace.

RCD...

Sheesh. Two posts in a row where I feel all negative and dark. But here goes.

Yeah, your MM didn't start out playing fair with you. His situation is *a lot* different from yours, IMHO. Married less time, child on the way, pursuing you... I don't blame you for having some trust issues.

And you're totally right, when we know that we have given in to temptation ourselves by getting involved with someone who also did the same... it creates a "No Honor Among Thieves" mentality. My OW, who is not a jealous woman by nature, is very cautious with me and has made it clear that though she trusts me, she doesn't intend to tolerate any breaches of story (i.e., I disappear for a few hours, don't show up where I said I would, etc.)

And to be more foolishly honest... I have a girl I work with who has gotten some sort of wind of my M problems through a mutual friend, but knows nothing of the severity or OW, and doesn't know I've moved out. Still, she has definitely laid on the flirting in the last two weeks. Though she and I have been out with friends previously in a casual setting, we haven't been alone. We have a playful spark, the same playful spark I tend to have with lots of people, and I really don't think anything of it usually.

But just today she's asked if I wanted to go have a drink... and I absolutely cannot do that. She's *very* cute, younger by ten years, looks up to me from a professional standpoint.... and needs to stay very far away from me. I trust myself because I really adore my OW and want my life to be with her... but how much? Three or four drinks into the evening, her hand is on my leg and she's promising not to tell... it all starts to sound like a plan. I know I got away with it for this long, I could do it again in a heartbeat, even easier now -- especially something as simple as that.

But it would mean I'm a pretty lousy person, so I try to feed my conscience as much as my ego these days. I won't put myself in temptation's way, because I'm still a weak human who's failed before. I won't cheat on my OW... she's my Soul Mate. And whatever I have to do to keep myself out of the path of the devil, I will do it. I want her to trust me as I trust her.

I'm guessing that looking at your MM's starting situation does make it hard to trust him because he (like you and I) hasn't always avoided that temptation. In fact, he sought it out.

If he's never given you another reason to doubt... well, maybe you trust him until he does. While his might be a big one, we almost all have something to hide when we start an A. Once confessed, if nothing else comes up, maybe we forgive and go on, becoming less cautious with time. That's what the OW has done with me, I believe.

Good luck. It sounds like you really care about him, but still doubt... and I think that's natural, especially given the nature of the R.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 8:28pm
Rain -

My god you are so wise !! My MM is 8 years younger than me - late 20's and I was very flattered !!

Smart thinking about that Co Worker . I can tell you by the sound of it - SHE WANTS YOU !!! Play it safe !

How do you gain so much wisdom ?? Aren't you like 30 ?

Pages