A question of trust building

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
A question of trust building
5
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 7:46pm
Hi everyone:

Can you please help: here's a brief breakdown of my situation:

On October 05/03, my H discovered my affair and I had no choice but to tell the Wife of my now XMM. To make a long story short, it got very messy. Today I called XMM, hoping to apologize and explain. Well we argued for about an hour. The one thing that he said that caught my attention was 'why in the past 6 weeks have you not tried harder to earn my trust?'. So my question is: what does he mean and it there hope that him and I can go back to before. We were involved for almost 2 years (our 2 year anniversary would have been the end of this month) and if yes, how can I regain his trust..I did after all tell his wife. thank you so much
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 7:55pm

The first thing I want to ask... is why did you have to tell MM's wife??? why was there a need to tell?? the reason I ask is because I got caught early on in my EMA by my DH... did I spill the beans? never! not in a million years would I have thought a need to tell MM's wife... regardless of circumstances... that is something that he would need to do... and not me.


I can't explain what he has meant by what he said... and put in the same situation... I'm not sure that I would trust my MM again.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 8:02pm
My hubbie was beyond pissed (I was involved with this guy briefly 8 years ago - the first time we had sex he was married 1 month) and said that if I really wanted my marriage to work that everyone involved should be told of the situation and he wanted revenge. It was either myself that told the wife or he would do it. I figured if I did it atleast some of the details could be kept secret but if he told the XMM's wife, he would not leave out the emails, get-aways and gifts -- he would spill all the details and the XMM would not have a hope in hell. Also at the time, I figured if I told her that she would just view me as a psycho bitch who wanted her husband and lucky for him that's exactly what she thinks of me. He's still living at home and she claims that nothing will break them up so hopefully they will work it out. He tells me that hes out after Christams so I am somewhat confused as to who's lying. BUT I still want him, even now but not sure how to go about it. You see my husband is away a lot and I figure IF the XMM will give me a chance that I can get his trust back and we can try it again.....we had a lot of plans and great sex...boy do I miss him. As you can see, Ending the Affair is not really suitable as I am trying to fix the end of my affair. Any help and /or suggestions are welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 10:08pm
Are you serious???? You've posted on this board and other iVillage boards about your situation quite a bit. You said your husband forgave you, for which you were grateful, and both you and he wanted to rebuild. And your main concern was that the MM didn't think badly of you. Form waht you've posted he has never showed one ounce of respect, or even liking, for you, you continually give him money - and now you want to get back with him??? Are you crazy???? A couple of weeks ago you were full of angst and in pain - why do you now want to go back into a situation that is only likely to cause you more pain?


Edited 11/11/2003 10:17:56 PM ET by cheshierfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 8:38am
I was about to post the exact same thing, cheshierfire. I have read a few of xterra's posts on another board. Xterra, now I am not trying to be harsh here, but where is your dignity sweety? How do you know that he is not trying to get back with you because you keep giving him money. I have read all of your posts and they stuck with me because it truly is a bad situation and it is a situation you keep getting yourself into. PLEASE STOP! Love yourself! You are worth much more than that. You seem like an intelligent woman, don't let a man bring you down that low. I don't understand a woman could have a mountain of intelligence but when a man steps into the picture we can become comatosed. Xterra, I know it is hard. I have been to the other board too because I have been contemplating ending my A but my situation is nothing compared to yours, you have a serious situation. Don't let him brainwash you think of all of the things that you have done for him and think of the things that he has done in return. Please Xterra do it for you and only you.



PS: I just read a post you made on the other board just a few minutes before you posted on this one. Please read it over and over it should help you because clearly you are confused and don't know what you want to do. Sweetie he is a JERK!!!


Edited 11/12/2003 8:43:40 AM ET by sally289

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 10:42am
xterra, i completely agree here with sally and cheshierfire.

you need to run the other way from xMM. he's obviously lying about leaving her after xmas. why would his W lie? does she have anything to gain, except maybe keeping a lying, cheating, hand-always-out bast__ard! let her keep him!



fix your M as best you can and please, please, please retain your dignity girl!

gurl