A question of trust ????
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A question of trust ????
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:54pm |
IS, ARE YOU HAPPY HE TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS WEBSITE ? OR DO YOU WISH HE KEPT THIS TO HIMSELF ? By your response to NRY , it is hard to tell . Plus I sometimes wonder how much I can trust my other man. Thanks...

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That was a great reply. I too have thought long and hard about my R with my MM. If you take the circumstances out of how we united, he is someone that I totally trust and would be so enthusiastic about pursuing farther. He claims to have never done this before (married 15 years) but his marriage relationship, although basically good, has deteriorated to no affection and a lot less sex. Now I know plenty of women who either never really had a great libido or who lose it over time/children.
I know he is telling me the truth about these things because I have seen them together. However, I wonder if I have not been "branded" as it is as being someone not to trust. He said to me during our "reconcilliation conversation" back in Jan. that he didn't like the person he was when we were together, he was very suspicious of his wife but he knew she would never do this. I immediately thought "unlike me huh?" and I have NEVER done this! I have never given him reason to believe I am a serial adulterer. I never flirt with any other men in our company, I don't even want to. I find myself not having those feelings I had before I met him of wanting attention from other men. I didn't even know at that time what I wanted to DO with that attention!
I guess the thing here is I feel sad sometimes when I think about how great we are together but would we really have a trust issue if for some reason we were ever able to be truely together. Would he want me even though he has as he says "deep feelings" for me? I have often wanted to ask him what he really thinks of me, because what he thinks is so important to me.
deedee
Yes, the younger thing is flattering. I don't know why we're wired that way, but we are. Personally, I've found that I'm a person who enjoys "teaching" whether it's at work, at play (I'm a musician,) sexually, spiritually... whatever. It's partially ego, but it's partially just who I am. And people slightly younger than me seem to be more open.
Actually, my W is probably the sole person I've been with who was my age. We balance each other somewhat in some areas, and in many ways we're equals. At first, years ago, that was wonderful for conversation, problem solving, etc. But amongst other problems, I think that each of us became better in certain areas, and being prone to compete... well, it's very hard to keep the car on the road when you're fighting over the wheel.
As for wisdom... well, thanks again. Yes, I'm only 32. I haven't had a particularly hard life or anything else that contributes to quick or steady growth as a person. I've just changed my life in the last two years to try to learn to be open to and accept whatever truth I can find. Part of it really is my practice of Buddhism (though I still consider myself Christian) and all that my spirituality has gone through. Part of it is that I'm no longer ignoring what I feel is my call in this life, my truest self. And part of it is my OW who fearlessly rips down any curtain of BS I try to put up. I don't know that any of that makes me wise, but it does make it easier to find what my real thoughts and share them.
And for the record... it only seems to work on other people. LOL. I'm still kind of stupid about my own life most of the time. Stupid, weak, or in denial, I'm not sure which. Sometimes it makes me laugh that I post such confused issues to this board, then have such a specific reply for other people.
rain
you make me feel so welcome... thanks so much for all your kind words
God bless
IS
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