Questions???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Questions???
15
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 6:45pm

I've been in my A for about a year. He's a MM and I'm MW but me and husband just seperated about 2 weeks ago.


But my question is: Does anyone else besides me obssessively wait for AP to call or text u?


Another issue I have is that when AP and I have plans and he's not able to make it, I feel devastated and pretty much don't know what to do with myself for most of that day. Anyone experience these things besides me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
In reply to: caribu79
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 5:56pm

hi, we have been split about a month now. As i knew i no longer was in love with my H, and I knew i could not continue to live a lie as it wasnt fair on him, myself or my children, then when the time came for me to be honest i felt a big weight being lifted off my shoulders.


From the moment I first slept with AP deep down i knew my M was doomed. I knew that being the person i am that my M must of been dead from my part for me to have done that to my H. I now feel free, liberated, and i guess releived that i no longer have to be scared of the unknown as now im in a situation that i only ever made presumptions about. And now that im here I look back and remember the fear i felt for my children, (especially my sick child), the fear of how id cope financially, the fear of not coping at all. But you know what its not that bad because whatever i do and whatever i have now i can build on. I dont mind going in life without material things if i have to, because i wasnt happy when i did have them. Whatever i do and how i do it now its all down to me. Most importantly as long as i can still provide the care and love that my children need, as long as i can still make them feel protected and positive then that for me is all i aim to achieve right now.


As for AP he is sincerely a wonderfull guy. He makes me feel so wanted and loved, i guess im fortunate as he is always in contact with me and we see each other often and tend to spend more and more overnights together. But having said this he is still M, and although i wish more than anything for us to be together the way i see it is......in natural circumstances i wouldnt want to jump into another relationship so soon after being with someone for 20 years. So why would i want to do that with ap. No the way i see it i have time on my side, i need this time for me and what i want to do. Therefore as much as i love my ap dearly im not pushing for him to leave his relationship for him to be with me. He has to do that off his own back when the time is right for him. But in my head i have a timescale and if this doesnt happen then i know i will move on. Im not looking at ap to make my future, il make my own future and if ap is to be part of that then its to enhance my life from what it will be and not as a necessity, having said this i would want to be the same for him.


So no its not easy,

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 8:53pm
I know exactly what you going threw. I seem to have found myself in the same situation. I'm going to try to keep busy. I'm also going to keep telling my self to hold on tight, It will be over soon. Keep reading and keep posting. Your not alone.
Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 9:42am

While not in an affair situation, in the past I did have those feelings of anxiety waiting for calls, and depression when dates were canceled. For me, it helped to have a standard plan B so I could go do something else and not stalk the phone (I didn't have a cell phone) or dwell on what we weren't going to be doing. Do you have a plan B in place, even when you don't expect your plans to change?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: caribu79
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 7:54pm
That's a
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 9:58am
You're welcome, and I hope it helps, if only a little, to make those changes more bearable.

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