Quick question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Quick question...
6
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:23am

Hi all


From my other post you will see that my AP made a wierd comment about his partner wanting another baby. They have 2, he doesnt want more, but she does. He implied that his decision not to have any more has a bit to do with wanting our A to continue as we had both agreed long ago that affairs while someone is pregnant is something neither of us could live with.


But I dont know if his decision is affected by our A- he seems to make his own decisions pretty adamantly.


Anyway I was thinking about all of this and decided against saying anything (I was previously thinking I should say 'dont base that sort of life decision on our A'). But I figured he is too sensitive to that topic and Im better off just letting it go.


But it dawned on me that his partners implant may be due to be replaced soon (it lasts 3 years) and this might be why she is bringng up the topic. She announced she was pregnant with their first child 6 years ago when he told her he wanted to break up, and he feels that she got pregnant on purpose because their r'ship was coming to an end.


So... if she is this sort of person, he doesnt want a baby, she does, plus her contraceptive implant is ready to be replaced..... could she be the sort of person to simply fall pregnant accidentally/on purpose by not replacing the implant and not telling him.


Maybe she is- who knows. But should I remind him that this sort of 'accident' may happen if she has wanted a baby and now stopped talking to him about it after he said no?


Or is this officially crossing the line of an A??? I think it is but cant help feeling that he may be walking into something he doesnt see. He's a smart guy but can be dim about people taking advantage.


What do you think?

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 11:27am

Yes, it's crossing the line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:12pm
If it were me, I'd say something to AP, but we have a very open R communication-wise.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 3:20pm
I really don't know. Another eyes has a point that if you bring it up it would be from the standpoint of his being aware that her implant is due to be replaced and he might not think about that. But I would be loathe to bring up some thing I think should be between him and her. I think I would just let them handle that aspect of their R. He really is a big boy and should be able to handle such a huge thing as another child - he should be a big enough boy to check on the implant and its replacement without your help, you know? If he "forgets", then maybe he's not so sure he doesn't want another child.

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 7:47pm

"If he "forgets", then maybe he's not so sure he doesn't want another child."


I don't know if I necessarily agree with this.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 8:47pm
If he did not want her to get pregnant, then he should have been either using condoms or get snipped. Seems like he is putting it on the W's shoulders. Like a previous poster said ... one baby, ok maybe it was not planned, but a second child too? I'm not saying it is right for a woman to purposefully get pregnant, but he is responsible for not using protection also. He needs to take responsibility for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 10:40pm

I should make it clear that Im not thinking of stopping him have another child so we can continue our A. That would be ridiculous and amazingly selfish! Apart from the importance of children and destiny and life purpose etc- Im so up and down with the whole A thing that it would almost be a welcome relief to have a genuine reason for us both to end it.


He did have a second child and was/is committed to having a family and making it work. The A was unplanned and has been hard on us both, not to mention the stress of knowing that the A would hurt everyone we love. So we are careful, we dont mention anything about the future and both secretly hope that this thing will die a natural death one day (but also secretly hope it will last forever)- see what a bunfight it is.


Anyway.. he definately does leave the whole contraceptive thing to the woman. Maybe he'll have another baby with her- who knows. It can happen on or off contraceptives- nothing in life is certain.


I dont think I will/should say anything- but I'll find it hard not to. I wont get to see him for 6 weeks after tomorrow.

You are what you consistently do