Ramble from a complete nutcase!
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Ramble from a complete nutcase!
| Mon, 08-16-2010 - 7:47pm |
Well after 5 years I think I am where a few others on this board are and I am contemplating ending my EA.
| Mon, 08-16-2010 - 7:47pm |
Well after 5 years I think I am where a few others on this board are and I am contemplating ending my EA.
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Hey Tears (Bird sorry for short thread hijack)
I emailed you provately- hope you get it- we are in a similar place I think (emotionally).
Iggyxxx
Thanks guys, chilling sounds good Iggy, so does fudge!
Bird,
I am trying to do exactly what you're doing. I've been trying to become detached and trying to care less. I told him that I am doing some soul searching to find out if I can continue this way. I get this way now and then and he always pulls me back in. I hope to remain strong this time.
I hope you can keep this attitude. It's what we all need when we're in As with guys who don't care as much as we do. Going to hang around you in hopes this attitude rubs off.
Happy Friday!
Wow Bird you sound fantastically balanced! That is great!!!
Im a bit with you- no energy for this at the moment and our regular polite platonic texts are ok at the moment. Like you, I feel sad and sick if I think about what we used to share, but if I dont focus on that- Im sort of ok.
It all seems a bit too hard to be fun right now isnt it?
Hi Tears ...feel free to hang around ;-) Lol
I think he is possibly having the same thought as I am about whether our new circumstance mean it is the natural end to it.
It sure is Iggy :-( but I'm ok and what will be, will be :-)
How's it going?
Hi again Bird
Im not feeling the need to write any updates as your sitaution is mirroring mine right now.
My AP and I are in the same 'holding pattern' that you seem to be. He is terribly busy, making some effort, but I dont want someone to 'make an effort' just to keep me happy. I want someone who wants to MAKE me happy- big dfference I think.
He also initiates some texts, we text back and forth and then 'whoosh' he has gone. Its sooooo irritating. Funnily though he disappeared yesterday morning after texting. I eventually sent atext at 5 (my
Iggy...I've been keeping up w/ your story every step of the way :) I never feel like I have anything substantive to add, but I'm GLAD your chocolate-laden recovery is going well and that it was an opportunity for your H to step up
Iggy, Ditto on what Kimber said. I've been in my affair for over 4 years now and have been through all the ups and downs. I remember the realization that that infatuation stage was gone and our feelings for each other settled down to a more comfortable state.
You know I've struggled with disappointment when AP isn't in touch as much as I'd like. He assures me that it's not because he thinks of me less OR thinks less of me. All relationships go through cycles, they seem more intense in Rs though because we're often insecure about our relationship. My AP and I have discussed this many times. I get all wrapped up in feelings and start to ask more and more from him. His logical head pulls me back to reality by reminding me of our limitations.
Also, one other thing I want to touch on. No one can make you happy. That has to come within. People can do things to please you and make you happy that they care, but pure happiness comes from you. He makes the effort, that has to mean something. I miss my AP very much but I am more settled and content at home when I know he cares because he makes the effort to tell me or show me.
Hang in there Iggy. Keep talking to AP and posting here. Clarity will come your way and you'll know you're making the right decision.
Hi guys,
I feel a bit bad that Bird's thread got jacked but I think we have some common issues so hopefully its ok.
Thanks for what you noticed in my post Kimber. I guess what I was trying to say was that my AP seems to focus on doing what would KEEP me happy (ie the minimum just so I dont end it) rather than doing something that would MAKE me happy. Im not saying that I derive happiness externally (although I do and I have to change that :). What I was trying to say is that AP seems to do the smallest amount these days, whereas before he would do a bit more.
Kimber and Tears are right- and this goes for all of us, eventually the A will settle (like all R's) into a more sustainable pace. My head is ok with this, and God knows Ive said this advice to others on this Board, but my heart is a big mushball that likes external attention and validation.
I guess my issue is that he is genuinely busy, and this has grown over the past 9mths or so. Where he had time to make more of an effort previously, these days he simply doesnt. I understand that totally, but it will always make me frustrated.
Im still thinking about ending it. Mostly because right now, the future with him seems full of frustration, while our recent past has been VERY frustrating to me. The memories of cancelled dates, saying he'll call but wont etc- will give me the extra 'oomph' I need to end it and feel ok about it. But if I wait too long, maybe the tide will turn and he'll do a few sweet things that make it all that much harder to leave. Ugh I dunno.
But I do feel better the last few days than I have in ages. Feeling that I have a good reason to end it without laying blame at anyone's feet (ie feeling guilty - which is
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