Re: New & want to talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Re: New & want to talk
10
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 3:56pm

Not sure if this board is legit... I came across it as i was searching for boards about affairs.  Not even know where to start, but here is the short introduction.  I am a married man who is about to plunge into an unknown territory of cheating. This is my first attempt and really not proud of what I am about to do. That being said few weeks ago, I joined a site called Ashley Madson where I have been chatting to a very nice lady and we seem to be in similar situation. We have met but haven't done anything yet. Now here is the deal? Although I am at that point where I am ready, but the guilty is still getting the hell out of me and I am really freaked out. I have heard that men suppose not to feel guilty about cheating. Is this normal for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2012
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 10:08pm

I think maybe if you are feeling so bad about it already, I would say don't do it!  If you already feel bad and havent done anything, you may feel horrible once you do. I mean I dont know your situation or anything, but to me it sounds like you will truly regret it if you do go through with it.  About being a male.. I am female so cant answer how guys should feel about cheating, I think everyone is different on if they feel guilt or not especially depending on their individual situations.  Sorry if I was no help at all!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 11:17am

Yup, very legit!!!

Guilt is a very strong emotion.  I am not sure what is "normal" for anyone.  Some people can do an A with no feelings of guilt or remorse.  Others can compartmentalize.  And some dive deep into everything emotionally.  There are lots of different ways people deal with an A.  But guilt, regardless of male or female, can weigh heavy.

Think long and hard; once done, it can't be undone.

 

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 11:22am
Thank you SOS...advice taken. Though I have to say that after being good and following all the rules that comes along with marriage life, I am at that's stage where I want to explore what's missing in my life. Of course, the thought of being caught is scaring the hell out of me., and scandal is an understatement to say the least! I am not sure why I am reacting this way when I thought that i was ready for the fun....I guess my problem is just that I never done this things before, and also never seen this side of me. I am rambling here, but hopefully you understand what I am trying to say
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 11:33am
Will do... I thinking long and hard is what I need! Now my question to you and everybody, do your AP expressed any regrets and guilty after they crossed the line? Ouch, I sound like a wimpy here...I blame it on my strict Catholics upbringing! But in my mind I am ready and tough too to deal with whatever comes with an affair
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 12:22pm

mm in an A here..

have you shared any of your insecurities w/ your AP? what's her take on your state of mind?

You should bring your feelings up to her.. maybe she’s just as scared as you are..

This is an affair, no one promises the other anything, other than being themselves..

And in A-land, many just act and pretend, as if acting and pretending in your M is not enough..

There’ve been many stories here of either a male or female AP disappearing or cutting down after the first “encounter”.  Are you both mentally ready for such an ending, one and done?

 

Also, assume you both continue. And eventually get discovered.  Are you ready for the fallout? What would your life be like at that point?

An A is a cross to bear. And if you are not ready to bear that cross, you should pause here, before you get in too deep, and take a look at what’s going on.  You can do that w/ your AP, together, and the two of you may find that this is as far as it goes, or that you both have what it takes to take the next step as mature adults and deal w/ the challenges and consquences of an A.

You don’t have to have all the answers now.  You do have to have the emotional maturity to deal w/ what may lie ahead.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2012
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 3:24pm
Yep, I totally understand. I was looking for that "whats missing in my life" piece also. If people knew what I was doing, I think they would be completely shocked. I put up a good show of trying to keep everything perfect but I was missing something so had to look elsewhere. I cant say Im proud of what Ive been doing but at the same time Im not experiencing much guilt (yet) maybe it will come around to me. Good luck to you though in whatever you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 3:38pm

Nevereasy,

I guess your profile name says it alll...this kind of things is never easy, lol! Great to hear another man's perspective....I appreciate your suggestion! Yes I did discusse it with my AP (of course not as expressively as I am doing here), but more in the sense of this being my first experience and me being nervous. She said that she has passed the gulty stage long time ago because this will be her second affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 3:50pm

SOS,

You  just summed up how I have been feeling for a long while, which is making it difficult for me to turn back now, especially I after I have tasted a sweet cup of slow and long kisses! It is my hopee that this gultyness shall pass

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Sat, 10-27-2012 - 9:54am
Is your M in such bad shape that it can't be fixed? I seriously think you should talk tou your W about your feelings. You might loose her for good not if but when she finds out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2010
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 10:24am

From another MM,

If you have doubts maybe its time to pose a little bit. But it also normal what you are feeling and it will go away...men have emotions too.