Reaching the end.....
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| Fri, 01-02-2004 - 7:28pm |
In a nutshell....I feel like I do all the giving...and get very little in return, except to hear that he wishes he could do more and that he constantly thinks of me and wants to be with me. And what really got me lately, I did not get a thing from him not even a card for Christmas, yet W got a gift. He told me he had not had time, but he was going to get me something. And yes I told him it hurt me very much. I guess I am venting and wondering where I should go next. My head tells me its time to end it until he is capable of giving more, that I have too much stress in my life over worrying about him, H finding out, and trying to be available whenever and however...but my heart would die if it ended. I have fallen in love with him, and can't imagine a day without talking to him. Am I crazy...is he now just using me? Sometimes that is what I feel like...I mean, what guy wouldnt want someone to listen to them daily, drive to see them, have steamy hot passion :) and then he gets to go back to work and not do a thing.
Someone.....please help...I am truly going crazy....I am already on meds and now I am having an attack where my hair is falling out from the stress....
Thanks....for listening!
secret

I hate to have to say it but It sounds like he is slowly ending, killing it with indifference but still injoys some sex on the side when it suits him.
For the sake of your mental health it seems like a good time to get out before your destroyed completely, or your husband starts to investigate why you are like this (MEDS hair falling out).
If this continues you could end up in a mental health hospital.
Is he useing you I think your the only one who can answer the question and I think you know the answer all ready.
It will not kill you to end it but you will feel like Crap for months to come but you will get better in time.
Here is a web site were if you choose get support to suvive you will find it.
http://www.affairs-help.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=You|APO|re+Married+and+Having+an+Affair&number=2&DaysPrune=20&LastLogin=
Take care of yourself first.
FREE
The whole Christmas gift, or lack thereof, issue sends up a huge red flag to me. Geez, usually the one you love is the first one you spend your time thinking of gifts and such for (NOT " I haven't had time.")
I would back off a bit, and spend a few weeks NOT making yourself so readily available to him. This would give you a bit more control of the relationship for a change, and you can sit back and see how he reacts. If he begins to seek you out more vehemently than normal...good! If he barely notices that you are not returning calls as often or as quickly and that your simply cannot break away to drive out to see him this week and that your conversations are more surface than normal - well then, that will speak volumes in itself, and you can choose how to proceed.
Of course, this is just SO much easier said than done. In fact, I feel the same way in my situation, but we have not been involved as long. I still am unsure of his feelings and intentions for this A.
Anyway, HTH, and good luck!
As for him using me...that feeling changes back and forth. I do know he cares and loves me..he has shown and told me over the years. I also know he has a very controlling and demanding wife, who must know his every move, so it makes it very hard for him to be available or come to see me. If he is not at work, she is either with him or knows where he is or who he is with. He must sneak away and if he leaves work, he has to take the time either without pay or as vacation time...so I am understanding of that. (Yes, she is very suspicious and swears he is having an affair) Which is his reasoning for not giving me the Christmas gift...said he was never where he could be alone to purchase it (that what he wants to get me, the store it is at, is not open at nights, and he can't get there....and he says he will give me my gift....so we shall see)
Anyway, I am just rambling, it makes me think through things and helps me to feel better. I guess I have missed this board more than I realized.
But still, he makes the effort to see me when he can. I know he is very busy and he comes over as much as he can.
I think we have to take these things are they are, and expect that there can be changes. Your MM took another job far away. Its great that you make the effort to see him. Lets him know you still care.
Who knows, things can change again. I really am into my MM even though its mainly a physical relationship between us. But I have to think he has some feelings for me or else as he says, this thing wouldn't have gone on for so long.
You just don't know what's going to happen in the future. I find for myself, it works best for me to just accept things as they are, for now. If I didn't want to see him, I would end it. And I think he would too if he felt like it. We went thru 8-1/2 weeks NC at his choice this fall, and I had lost hope of ever seeing him again, then one day out of the blue, I heard from him again and it was so great to start getting together again.
Its really up to you, what do you want to do? NC maybe, but be prepared to feel very depressed and miss him alot. Even those little IM's and phone calls mean alot even when you can't physically be together. Take care,
Dusty
And we haven't had any contact since about Dec 18th, I told him I was taking a couple weeks vacation and he was also going on a trip with his family. And although when I think about it, its seemed like a long time, my memories of our good times and looking forward to our future times together, sustains me throughout this. Take care.