Ready to start an affair
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:07am |
I have been lurking this board for a year or so and have read all the warnings about starting into an affair. I think if I do at least I will go in with a heads up. I hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of rambling.
I've known this guy for 10 yrs. He worked with my now husband. Over the years i've gotten to know him pretty good. For me it was love at first sight although I don't think I showed anything for years, just thought to myself. I never had any intentions of cheating. Over the last 5 yrs things have progressed between us. Now he is pretty much our best friend. We hang out with him usually 5-6 times a month. he usually won't bring his wife because he says she gets in the way or holds him back. In the last year or so things between us have gotten pretty intense and I'd say a lot of sexual tension. Things have been said back and forth between us to the point that I think we both know what we want. When he comes out it's more me and him hanging out than anything. We have a lot of the same interests and sometimes sit and play games together. Neither of us are shy about body contact and he usually ends up leaning into me or kicking me, or play hitting me. For two weeks while he was in camp we texted every day. Then he was home for a week, then back for a week. We slacked off a bit during that time but he was out this weekend and it seems we've started right were we left off. My question is, is this normal for good friends or is there something going on? I think we both might be scared to make the first move even though there have been things said.

Hi mtt,
It sounds like your friend would like to take things further, but since you both are married he's waiting for you to bring it up.
It sounds like you've read all the warnings about A's, how they put you at risk of destroying your families and yourself. MM's that get caught typically throw their AP's under the bus and blame them for everything... in this case he would probably say that 'you came on to him' since he's not coming out and saying it himself. He doesn't sound very considerate of his W from the get-go since he doesn't include her in his activities. That's a definite red flag on the type of person he is.
Also having an A with someone that is BFF with you and your H is pretty risky... You would need to weigh the risks against any benefits. Are you lonely in your M? Are you not connecting with your DH anymore? What are the reasons for wanting to start an A with this man? Just a few questions to ponder.
Good luck in your journey,
trixie
trixie gave good advice. and asked great questions. if getting it out of your head is what you need, then dump it here before you make a quick decision.
but if you decide to heed the warnings, i don't know how you back out of this without a confrontation that has you drawing a line.
Mrs.