Realistically, what are our chances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Realistically, what are our chances?
3
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 10:16pm

hello. I originally posted this on the All Sides of An Affair board, and one of the posters there suggested that I posted here as well, to gain the insight from those who have ended up with their affair partner...

I am a 24 year-old single woman, who has been having an affair with an older (age 38) MM for the last seven months. I am also four months pregnant with our child (we were careless about using protection one time because he was going in for a vasectomy the next day and we didn't think anything was going to happen before then) The pregnancy was a surprise but I am keeping the baby.

Yesterday his W (same age) served him with divorce papers and a note saying she knew about our affair and the baby, that she had evidence from a P.I. etc. When he went home to talk to her the locks had been changed and his stuff was in the driveway. Right after this, he showed up at my apartment with all his stuff, and he told me what happened and said we could finally be together. He told me his W didn't answer the door or the phone, and he believes she has gone to stay with family. He says that he is going to try not to fight her too much (they don't have kids) however their building has been bought by developers who are planning to tear it down and turn it into something else, and so he does want some of that money from the sale of their condo. He told me that he loves me and wants to marry me after his divorce is final. He spent last night at my place and I was so happy to have him fall asleep next to me knowing that he was free. Today he told me to start looking for a bigger with enough room for us and the baby, because my apartment is so small.

As I said I was so happy last night, but now anxiousness is starting to set in. I am scared his wife will change his mind or take him back, or that he will leave me and our baby. I am in love with him and this baby of ours. I remember the first ultrasound appointment and finding out we were having a boy, and how happy we were (MM actually cried) My family and friends have disowned me because of the affair, I am living all alone in a new city and him and the baby are all I have. I really want things to work out, however I realize things are different now because we are going to have a real relationship. I also remember hearing somewhere that something like only 2% of real relationships between affair partners actually work out, though this number seems low to me. Does anyone have an advice as to what we can do to make things work? And what are our chances, realistically of making it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 7:08am

Hi and welcome.

I am not in your situation, but wanted to welcome you and let you know there's a lot of wisdom and practical experience on this board. Hugs to you during this time. I would think it's natural to be feeling what you are right now. It seems you are getting what you want, but until the ink is dry on the D, it could go either way.

Just be prepared, talk it out a lot between the two of you and remember all the decisions should be what is best for that new little life that is coming into the world. Take good physical care of yourself during this emotional time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 8:34am

There is another forum called "after the affair support", where a lot of people who are now in a "real relationship" after an affair hang out. Here's a link:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlpostaffair/

I hate to keep sending you all over the place LOL! Here at MAS, some of those people in "real relationships" do hang out, but in AAS I think they get deeper into the problems of making the transition from affair partners to real couple.

One thing I wouldn't be happy with is being with someone who was sort of forced out of his marriage. I would wish that he'd left himself and made the choice to be with me. I would always wonder what he would have done if he'd never been caught. I can understand why you worry that his wife will change her mind.

One thing in your favor is that he and his wife have no children, and you're about to have one with him. I wish you luck, and hope, for your baby's sake, that you end up being in the 2%!

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:47pm

Hi Dancer -


I am one of the co-CLs on this board - and I'm sorry for the delay in replying - been on a bit of a vacation - and desparately trying to catch up!!

lightning in my heart