Really confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Really confused
1
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 8:26pm

Hi everybody,

I'm usually on the long distance board so I don't know anybody on here, but I'm facing an issue that I think you will really be able to help with. So my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship because we go to different graduate schools. We went to the same college and have been together for about 3 years, two in college and the past year long distance. We get to see each other about twice a month and live together over the summer which makes me really lucky by most long distance standards. Everything is great and I really have no complaints.

Here is where the trouble starts. I went out with a good college friend this past weekend and met a bunch of his friends. One of his friends and I had an immediate and incredibly strong mutual attraction. I'm getting butterflies just typing about it right now. We hung out the whole night in a big group, nothing really happened, just some dancing and then went back to my friend's apartment. My friend went to bed and this guy who I'll call H from now on just stayed up all night talking. We didn't touch or anything (and trust me I REALLY wanted to), in fact we were on different pieces of furniture across the room. I told him all about my relationship and what a good guy my boyfriend is, but we just had this incredibly strong attraction and all I wanted to do was jump on him! It sounds crazy but I had to argue with myself to remain on the couch.

In the end he left and I went to bed with nothing more happening than an exchange of phone numbers. We've texted a little bit since then but nothing serious, just little snippets about our day. I can't get him out of my mind though. And when I was walking to campus today I found myself smiling and I wasn't thinking about my boyfriend. I feel incredibly guilty but also really confused. I haven't felt this way about a man since I first met my boyfriend over four years ago. I'm not saying I'm in love or anything but I'm rarely attracted to men and like I said, I haven't had an immediate and gut reaction (literally, my stomach hurts just thinking about him) to a man since I met my boyfriend. And I was with another person when I first met my current boyfriend which makes me wonder if the same thing will happen again. I didn't have an affair with my current boyfriend or anything, but I knew I was really attracted to him and wanted to be with him right after I met him and a few months later my relationship ended and I began a friendship (with romantic/sexual undertones) with my current.

I'm sorry this is so long but I really have NO idea what to do. I know I should just cut this new guy out of my life and pretend like I never met him but I can't stop thinking about him. I've resisted the urge to text him all day so maybe I can just keep fighting my wants and it'll end up okay. Also, my boyfriend is coming to visit this weekend so maybe a having a great time with him will get H out of my head for good. Sigh. Thanks to anybody who read all the way down here=)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: samari13
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 1:53pm

Hi Samari -


Sorry your post got buried - things move fast on this board sometimes.

lightning in my heart